In the famous words of Lady Gaga:
Boys, boys, boys.
In the trials and tribulations of my existence as a single, a taken and a somewhere in-between person, it has often been said to me, "You have to let them chase you: Guys love the chase."
I hate that.
My knee-jerk reaction is to say, "Yeah, whatever," but I
know they do. I've seen them do it! They, for the most part, just don't chase
me. This isn't a whiny "poor, poor me; nobody likes me" statement, I'm just not the type of girl that you chase. I'm basically just sitting here waiting for someone to walk up and say, "Hi. I like you," because if I like him, too, that will be all it will take. Insta-relationship. Which, I guess, might not be "fun," and also is partially to blame for my un-datableness.
I came to understand a long time ago that I'm not a girl you date. That's another thing people say to me. "You're not a girl guys date, you're a girl guys marry." That has started to make more sense as of late because I am able to look back on past relationships and see the potential future ones differently.
Let me explain. No, there is too much, let me sum up
(YES!): There are people that
say they don't like the chase... and then there's me. I am not saying that I think a guy shouldn't have to work a little (because if they don't have to work for the relationship, apparently this is evidence that they didn't really want it or that they don't appreciate it or something...), I'm just saying that the whole call, don't call, wait a suitable amount of time before returning a text, I'm going to pretend I don't really like you so you're going to have to try harder, yes means no, no means yes, bullshit is a waste of mental energy. A sample conversation:
Boy (or girl): I like you, you seem interesting. Let's date.
Girl (or boy): I agree. Let's.
How hard is that?!? Just say it. Or, alternatively:
Boy (or girl): I like you, you seem interesting. Let's date.
Girl (or boy): Well, I'm not really thinking that's a good idea.
Boy (or girl): Hm.. ok. That bites.
Though, the whole problem is that in that second scenario, if the girl shoots him down but the guy is persistent... there is a chase. And if the girl really isn't interested, the chase is still fun for her because she's getting all the attention, even if she doesn't want it from him. Conceptually, I get it. I really do, but if I'm not interested in a guy, I don't want him chasing me. Seriously! I run into that when I go out sometimes (read: it happened once). Not that guys hit on me all the time, but when they do, it's inevitably someone I have NO interest in and I basically just want them to go away, but I don't want to be mean, so it's just
reaaaallly awkward. I also tend to lean toward husband shopping when I'm out. Roomie hates that term, and as I define it as simply not giving much of a chance to guys that don't scream long term potential to me, she decided it's more like husband
eliminating, which is appropriate, too. Either way, I don't really meet people when we go out. But basically, if I'm already friends with someone, there is almost no chance that we will date because I get myself into the dreaded Friend Zone and can't get out (read: though it did happen once).
However, the
one time that it did last longer than six months, there was no chase. He actually told me after we'd been dating for a little bit that he usually will string a girl along for a while and then maybe date her or maybe not, but he could tell that I "wasn't going to put up with that," so he didn't do it that way. I had forgotten about this until pretty recently, but it just goes to show you that the way you catch them
is the way you keep them. Our relationship had lots of things, but it one thing it didn't have was stupid games.
This is what my Roomie said, and I like it:
"If you enjoy spending time with him, and he enjoys spending time with you, then just go with it and see what happens. You can't strategize and you can't force it; it will just be what it is. Sometimes, well, most of the time, it isn't unanimous. But when it is, it's amazing."
So anyhow, this whole thing was all rambly and not really directed at anything, it's just something I've been fixated on in the recent times. But I'm really, really, really, really, really excited for this weekend because my best friend
evar is getting married!! I haven't ever been in a wedding before, and I'm her Maid of Honor! It's going to be a rocking good time!
So any of you single groomsmen, guests or innocent bystanders... I'm a single, optimistic Maid of Honor at my best friend in the world's wedding. Fair warning:
Look out.
