Tuesday, September 8, 2009

They love the chase

In the famous words of Lady Gaga: Boys, boys, boys.

In the trials and tribulations of my existence as a single, a taken and a somewhere in-between person, it has often been said to me, "You have to let them chase you: Guys love the chase."

I hate that.

My knee-jerk reaction is to say, "Yeah, whatever," but I know they do. I've seen them do it! They, for the most part, just don't chase me. This isn't a whiny "poor, poor me; nobody likes me" statement, I'm just not the type of girl that you chase. I'm basically just sitting here waiting for someone to walk up and say, "Hi. I like you," because if I like him, too, that will be all it will take. Insta-relationship. Which, I guess, might not be "fun," and also is partially to blame for my un-datableness.

I came to understand a long time ago that I'm not a girl you date. That's another thing people say to me. "You're not a girl guys date, you're a girl guys marry." That has started to make more sense as of late because I am able to look back on past relationships and see the potential future ones differently.

Let me explain. No, there is too much, let me sum up (YES!): There are people that say they don't like the chase... and then there's me. I am not saying that I think a guy shouldn't have to work a little (because if they don't have to work for the relationship, apparently this is evidence that they didn't really want it or that they don't appreciate it or something...), I'm just saying that the whole call, don't call, wait a suitable amount of time before returning a text, I'm going to pretend I don't really like you so you're going to have to try harder, yes means no, no means yes, bullshit is a waste of mental energy. A sample conversation:

Boy (or girl): I like you, you seem interesting. Let's date.
Girl (or boy): I agree. Let's.

How hard is that?!? Just say it. Or, alternatively:

Boy (or girl): I like you, you seem interesting. Let's date.
Girl (or boy): Well, I'm not really thinking that's a good idea.
Boy (or girl): Hm.. ok. That bites.

Though, the whole problem is that in that second scenario, if the girl shoots him down but the guy is persistent... there is a chase. And if the girl really isn't interested, the chase is still fun for her because she's getting all the attention, even if she doesn't want it from him. Conceptually, I get it. I really do, but if I'm not interested in a guy, I don't want him chasing me. Seriously! I run into that when I go out sometimes (read: it happened once). Not that guys hit on me all the time, but when they do, it's inevitably someone I have NO interest in and I basically just want them to go away, but I don't want to be mean, so it's just reaaaallly awkward. I also tend to lean toward husband shopping when I'm out. Roomie hates that term, and as I define it as simply not giving much of a chance to guys that don't scream long term potential to me, she decided it's more like husband eliminating, which is appropriate, too. Either way, I don't really meet people when we go out. But basically, if I'm already friends with someone, there is almost no chance that we will date because I get myself into the dreaded Friend Zone and can't get out (read: though it did happen once).

However, the one time that it did last longer than six months, there was no chase. He actually told me after we'd been dating for a little bit that he usually will string a girl along for a while and then maybe date her or maybe not, but he could tell that I "wasn't going to put up with that," so he didn't do it that way. I had forgotten about this until pretty recently, but it just goes to show you that the way you catch them is the way you keep them. Our relationship had lots of things, but it one thing it didn't have was stupid games.

This is what my Roomie said, and I like it:

"If you enjoy spending time with him, and he enjoys spending time with you, then just go with it and see what happens. You can't strategize and you can't force it; it will just be what it is. Sometimes, well, most of the time, it isn't unanimous. But when it is, it's amazing."

So anyhow, this whole thing was all rambly and not really directed at anything, it's just something I've been fixated on in the recent times. But I'm really, really, really, really, really excited for this weekend because my best friend evar is getting married!! I haven't ever been in a wedding before, and I'm her Maid of Honor! It's going to be a rocking good time!

So any of you single groomsmen, guests or innocent bystanders... I'm a single, optimistic Maid of Honor at my best friend in the world's wedding. Fair warning:

Look out.



miss. chief said...

i'm the same way. eff all those games. why not just say what you really think?

GingerMandy said...

you go girl...

i just figure that if it's meant to happen it'll happen naturally, whether you put up a fight, play the chase game, or just say "hi i like you you like me lets date." whatever's meant to be will be. it's a pain in the ass trying to figure it out, but i'm sure it'll be worth it eventually. :)

Laoch of Chicago said...

The answer of course is you should not let them choose. Pursue the ones that interest you. Learn not to care if they are not interested. Some will be.

Anonymous said...

I agree to a certain degree, however there is always some chase involved. I think it happens very seldom that two people just start liking each other at the same moment and just figure it out like that.

Usually in my experience one person will start liking the other person first and then try to get the other person to like them before making a move.

Even though telling people you like them is a very efficient way of getting them to like you, since most people like people who like them :P

That said I do enjoy a bit of a chase, or maybe not chase but the excitement and the clumsy interactions you often have before you actually get together. Sadly though once I got better at getting girls that excitement went away ;(