Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Bearer of bad news


You ever notice that in a relationship of any kind, if there is something bothering one party, it weighs on them. Well, the problem is that when they tell the other person, that weight doesn't go away, it simply transfers from them to the other. It's as if the knowledge itself has mass. I think that sucks. I mean, there's nothing you can do to help it, but it still sucks.

Example: There is a boy and a girl and they are friends, but the girl is in love with the boy. This information weighs on her (trust me) but what good does it do to spill it to the boy? Especially if she's relatively sure he doesn't feel that way about her? Then he's just stuck dealing with it. She feels better now that she's not harboring all of these secret feelings, but he has to bear the burden of the knowledge now. So whaddya do?

Example again: There is a dating couple and one feels emotionally not okay about something in the relationship. I mean, at some point, the person has to tell the other about it. That's just what you do. But it still sucks because now the weight of the burden has shifted and while the one doing the telling feels better, sure, the receiver of information now has to feel weighted down and crappy.

Life is hard.

picture found here.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Here comes emptiness crashing in

I am feeling highly whiny this morning, and there really is no venue (save this little bit o'internet) that I can whine to, so aren't you lucky? You get to read about how bummed out I feel this morning. Hey, look on the bright side, I'll probably give you a pretty/sad picture and a nice, depressing song.

You ever just have days where you feel... gross? Like, sad gross. I just cannot feel good this morning. I have weird voice issues and I can't do anything right at home to make my roommate not hate me and this new boyfriend thing is weighing on me, too and it's just... it's making me feel gross. Now I'm at the church and I really need to be working on the bulletin for Sunday, because it's going to be our first one in a new format, but I don't want to do anything but just go somewhere else with people I like that like me and just bask in the friendliness.

Sidebar- it's ironic that after I have (another) disheartening conversation with this new boyfriend, this time about his atheism versus my loving the Jesus, I want nothing but more church and I have all this ushy-gushy Jesus love and I want to sing hymns and learn about being a better Christian and yada yada, and who can't I tell about all this because it's sort of antagonizing? Oh right- the person I really should be able to talk about it with.

Alsoalso- I have talked about the stupid crap people do to each other before, but can I please just talk about for a second how it baffles me further how people can't be nice to each other? Why? Why would you be mean to another person? I am mean, I really am. And frankly, I enjoy being mean. But, if the target person is my friend, or even just someone I have to deal with on a semi-regular basis, why not be civil? No one gets any more out of the interaction when one is mean. And I am kind of a pushover, because when people I have to deal with are mean to me, I just lay down and take it, mostly. Because I don't like being mean (Again, in this particular sense), and it really messes with me when people are mean to me.

Anyhow, whine whine whine. And a song and a photo, as promised:

Another Lonely Day - Ben Harper


Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Time Management.


President: We're too late. Without the sword the players will fail.

Member 1: If we could get to a computer, we could sign on to the World of Warcraft and give the boys the sword online.

President: I don't have a World of Warcraft account. Do you?

Member 1: No, I have a life.

If you don't recognize that screenshot, go watch this immediately.

I am currently having a general life conflict. In January and part of February, I felt like I was in some sort of Life-Zen place. I was working out and waking up early every day, I lost about 20 pounds, I wrote my huge, awful, terrible paper, I did my last opera at OCU and my graduate recital and now... I'm sort of lacking in some way.

I wrote this post a couple of days ago, and I feel that a better word for how I feel is Slacking. I'm not waking up like I used to, I'm going to bed later... yada yada. After reevaluating my changes between then and now, the only significant one I can find is that I'm back on the WoW bandwagon. Here's the thing; I frickin' love this game. I love playing it, I love the holidays, pets, achievements... I just really enjoy the game. However- I can quit the game. I have quit it before, but I don't want to quit having a reason to talk to my best friend and her husband every day, because THAT is really important to me.

So the quandary is how to play the somewhat life consuming game and also be working out and losing weight like I was. Granted, not eating crap all the time will help (fell off that bandwagon a bit as well), as will working out. My problem has been finding the time, since before I did it in the morning when I woke up bright and early. Playing the game (AND keeping up with the Craigs) necessitates being tied to the computer during prime sleeping time. I will say that during January and my Life-Zen, I felt like an old lady going to bed at 10:30 every night. It is also not helping my time situation that I am working 8a-5p every day, and that wasn't the case before, either.

Anyway, I think I've finally gotten on the road to the happy medium. Still play, eat like I'm supposed to, but workout either right after work or before bed. Not the most ideal setup, but MUCH better than not doing it at all and I still get my game friends. :)