Who's a cliché?

Yeah, that would be me.

I need a job. Really, really bad. And I'm looking. I really am. I have applied to dozens of places and I have yet to get even a call. Oy. I feel like such a frickin' cliché by being unemployed but willing to work. However, I have a holy grail of a job that may be out of my league anyway, but I applied. And my cover letter kicked ass, if I do say so myself. So this is my little plea to the internet to send good thoughts and prayers and whatnot my way. My holy grail job is actually one that I would be very good at and would actually LOVE to be involved in. I don't know that I've ever wanted a job like I want this job. So.... if I could get some good karma this way, I'd appreciate it.


Thanks, guys.

Weirdness

I was recently reminded of this:




via


I want to find that so badly.


I just wonder... how do you know? Because nothing is perfect and shiny and wonderful all the time, and for God only knows what reason (for there are many from which to choose), I feel like I can't trust myself to just know anymore. "Swing at the pitches you can hit." Sure, but it worries me that I am not swinging like I used to. I get all nervous and over think the whole process and by the time that I either should really have swung or just put the damn bat down, I think, "Geez... I really should have hit that one out of the park."

For whatever reason, and I honestly don't know what the reason is, there is a hesitation in the swinging that has never been there before. I feel like maybe a ball beaned me in the head and now I'm just scared of the ball in general. I am becoming petrified that a ball I SHOULD have hit over the fence is gonna end up past me simply because I froze on a perfectly good pitch.

Okay, I'm officially weirding myself out now. Why am I nervous about this weekend? I am excited. I am. But I am also moderately terrified and it's making my week actually feel weighty. If I can get out of my own way enough for this to just happen, it will all be more than fine, I'm sure. And, hell, it may be all totally fine as soon as he gets off the plane, but until that moment, I get to be worried and terrified and nervous.


AND then there's the various job related stresses, too. Yippee! Oy. I haven't really talked about it, but I really feel like I am supposed to be in San Marcos for some purpose. The journey to get here was such that I couldn't have done it without a goodly measure of help, but I am just kind of feeling the pressure a bit this week. It's a big week. I will be SO immeasurably glad to see my Meredith friend on Tuesday, and then my boy person on Friday.


Yes. A big week, indeed.

A Letter to Seester

Dear Seester,


I love you. You are my favorite sister, but seriously. I would really rather you not respond to my random inside joke text with a phone call telling me how you're out with all of the people I'd love to be out with but can't because I A) don't live in Wichita Falls anymore and B) don't have to extra fundage to go down there every weekend. I would also appreciate it if you would refrain from telling me the stories reinforcing how you're the dangerous, mysterious, and cool sister. I know you are. It's painful enough just being the boring, straight-laced, un-adventurous one, but you letting me know that the guy who has been my go-to crush on guy since fourth grade said that you're "super f*&^ing hot" was almost over the line of what I can reasonably handle. Even if it doesn't seem like it bothers me or matters, it does; on both counts. I'm not the cool one. I'm okay with it most of the time. I'd like it if you didn't rub it in...

*sigh*

-§

picture via

Worklife.

Ready to take a ride on my train of thought? Here we go!

Working on Project 1 ->
Look up something on the internet ->
Get distracted and work on Project 2 ->
Look up something else on the internet ->
Realize I'm being scattered ->
Wish I was better focused and think about that I need to get myself medicated for ADD ->
Remember that I don't have health insurance at my new job ->
Ponder life and how much it's going to cost versus what I will be making ->
Wonder if I'll have enough money to get medicated ->
Think about how cool/productive life would be if I WAS medicated (or at least the option) ->
Remember that I'm supposed to be working ->
Repeat from beginning.



So... that's life today.

All Will Be Well

- I have a whole blog about changing and new leaves and whatnot that I am really excited to write about but just can't write today because all of this other garbage happened. The changey-change blog will come down the pipeline next week probably (as this weekend is occupied primarily by learning Elvira in Don Giovanni before rehearsals start on Monday. EEK. -

Well, today started relatively normally, but it cascaded downward until lunchtime when I applied for a private collegiate loan to pay for this semester (since my school didn't have money for me [which baffles me, but what are you going to do]) and I was pre-denied. Not just regular denied, but pre-denied. Thanks a lot. I didn't want to finish school, anyway. So I went to the school to actually talk to some people and basically, I have no options to get help from anywhere. I will just have to pay for the semester as it happens (which will be ridiculously difficult). I am literally signed up for 1 credit hour because all I have to do is write my paper and do my recital. This whole business is WHOA frustrating.

Blech. I am sort of feeling like this:



garfield minus garfield


But I have to tell you all of that mess so I can tell you the story of right after I got in the car to go to lunch. (Warning: We're about to get a little Jesus-y)

At this point in my day, I had applied, been pre-denied, was on my way to the bank to deposit a paycheck (that is basically already gone to bills) and then go to the school to address my situation. This is one of those times that I am not really as worried as I should be about my personal impending doom. I get into the car and my CD player picks up right where it left off when I got to work. This song:


All Will Be Well - Gabe Dixon Band


...

All will be well.
Even after all the promises you’ve broken to yourself,
All will be well.
You can ask Me how but only time will tell.

The winter’s cold,
But the snow still lightly settles on the trees.
And a mess is still a moment I can seize until I know,
That all will be well.
Even though sometimes this is hard to tell,
And the fight is just as frustrating as hell
All will be well.

All the children walking home past the factories,
Could see the light that’s shining in My window as I write this song to you.
All the cars running fast along the interstate
Can feel the love that radiates
Illuminating what I know is true
All will be well.
Even after all the promises you’ve broken to yourself
All will be well.
You can ask Me how but only time will tell.

Keep it up and don’t give up
And chase your dreams and you will find
All in time.

...


Full lyrics here

It started in the middle of the song, so I only wrote down the lyrics I heard from the time I left the parking lot at work to when I turned off the car at the bank. I also added some capitalization because at that moment, it wasn't an ambiguously hopeful song for me. This was literally something God was saying to me. It sounds kind of out there and spiritual-y, but I really believe that. How else could such a perfectly worded promise audibly speak to me at exactly the moment I needed it to? I mean, the CD started at exactly the most perfect spot in the song. Say what you will about coincidence and yada yada, but that's my God. The God that lets me do incredibly stupid and irresponsible crap just so I won't do it anymore (because He totally knows just keeping me from doing it in the first place will never allow me to learn to be a big kid). The God who helps me in little ways so I can help myself in big ways. The God who sometimes says what he needs to say to me through my car CD player. My God is hilarious, clearly, and draws inspiration from any and everything (*cough cough* Transformers *cough* [He also appreciates that I am a big nerd])


That's my God, alright. He's a funny Guy, sometimes, and He's got this whole wacky (read: awful) situation (among many MANY other things) under control. So I'm just going to let Him get this one. He would, anyway, but it makes me feel better when I know I don't have to worry about it.

Booze.

When some people get in a funk, they have to blog. They need to write down all of their emotional tribulations and get the feelings out onto the proverbial paper (or blog-o-whatever). This is not me.

Others need to physically work through their stress. They get on a treadmill and just run and run until they can't run any more and then they go lift weights. This (obviously) is not me.

Others still need to go out. They liquor up and party and either get out of their funk or at least forget about it for a while, since unless your problem is a pressing need to get wasted, drinking isn't going to solve anything. This is not me.

That forgetting for a while thing is pretty nice, though. However, I have come to discover that booze is expensive. I know. *Shocker*. But in my recent stretches of relative poverty, expensive isn't good. So I have to confess my current personal booze to you all. It costs about the same as 2 or 3 mixed drinks, and I can indulge for an entire month. When I get sad or in a funk or lonely or whatever, I can partake and lose hours to my inexpensive and delightful friend. And best of all (well, other than that it's cheap), even though I'm not reeeally, I at least feel like I'm accomplishing something.


If you haven't guessed by now, World of Warcraft is my booze. And let me tell you, a year ago, I would have been the first to say that it's stupid and awful and way out of my league of nerdiness. But last summer, I let a boy talk me into it, so I caved. It was actually my birthday present to me ("I'm so happy..." name that movie!!). He doesn't really play anymore (lame), but talk about the gift that keeps on giving. And the game is fun, actually. What's really interesting to me is the number of people that play that I would have never guessed. Once you give in to your inner nerd, you'll find so many more out in the world. It's like we can smell each other or something....


However, I feel like there's a line. A nerdy line. Like, if my Alyssa friend and I go to Taco Bell and discuss dungeons and gathering professions over cheap tacos, that's one thing. Or if I go to Tulsa to see some friends I made through the game (AND a mutual friend) and hang out for a day, that's cool. But you know the people... the ones that make you uncomfortable with their commitment to their own exhaustive nerdgasms. These are the kids that have a picture of their character as their Facebook profile picture. Just because we both play this silly game does not mean that I want you shouting it across this room filled with people. Too much, kid. Just calm down.



Anygeek, I would just love to be playing now... but Tuesday mornings are dark because they do maintenance on the servers. It sucks especially on days like today when I both want to play really bad, and have a lot of time.

So instead, I'm going to watch some South Park! This episode is so spot on.


Voidwalker, Warlock and a Healthstone

pic via http://blog.sina.com.cn/maidemao (I can't read a word of it, but her little figurines and pictures are SUPER cute!!)

Technologically Inept

No, not me. I'm a genius. Hahahaha....


Anyway, I have worked in several jobs where I was easily the most technologically capable person in the place. Not that I'm writing C++ or anything, I'm just, like, 35% more familiar with computers and their workings than your average mid-twenties person. And this doesn't really bother me, until the old farts I work with dismiss the knowledge I have as either useless or unimportant. For example, Finishing Touch. There was a perfectly usable MS-DOS sort of system for inventory that was (and probably still is) completely FUBARed. You know why? Because everything in the store had a sticker on it. As in, when we would get inventory in, we would take a pricing gun and sticker every individual item as $**.95. Then, when people bought these items, we would just ring them up as "ITEM $**.95" on the register. God forbid we take a little time and put the correct price into the system corresponding to the correct UPC code, right? The thing was, I spent some time one day to take 1 of each type of candle-y thing in some Yankee Candle scent, and put them in. When I showed the boss, he was completely against it. He specifically instructed the ladies to put the stickers OVER THE BARCODES, which irritated me to no end. WHY, if you have a functioning system, wouldn't you just use it?! I think he was afraid of computers, to be honest. The one time, I had to try to figure out why the computer that prints the daily business wasn't printing, so I went into the Windows 95 OS it was running on to look at the settings and he about flipped out. "What is that?! It has never done that before!! I don't think you should be doing that ("that" being opening folders to see what was in them and viewing the "Properties" to see how big the hard drive was)" which implied that not only did I not know what I was doing with this computer, but that HE knew better (which was so far from true, I cannot even put it into words). Oh my LORD I couldn't stand him.... This is the same boss that would watch the employees on the security cameras and if it looked like you weren't actively being busy, he would call the phone nearest to you from his desk in his office and say, "What are you working on right now?" so you'd go get to work touching every piece of merchandise in the store. It didn't really matter if you were actually doing anything, he just insisted that you look like you were doing something.


Well, that was an unexpected outpouring of hatred for ignorance of that man... but, anyway... I started this post because my wonderful, wonderful boss (that I love working for/with) just doesn't get it, either. I kind of think he views computers as typewriters where you can erase. Don't get me wrong, he uses email and the internet (sort of...), but he's a fax machine kind of guy and we print EVERYTHING (even though I know why we do, and it's not that big of a deal). I guess I just feel like we could be using these 2 iMacs in the office much more effectively (can I get a what, what, co-workerladyma'am?) He's so funny, though. There are 2 things that will make him super mad in about 3 seconds: When he can't find something (usually because I didn't file it in the right place...oops) and then the printer won't work. Usually it's just a turn it off, turn it back on fix, but he just gets so worked up about it. I guess I just half expect technology to get screwed up at some point or another, so it doesn't get to me, but man. And every time he goes, "Why can't things just work?" which, given that the printer may screw up for 4 hours collectively out of the whole month, for the most part, it does just work.



So, basically, all I'm saying is that it's a good thing I've grown too lazy to try instigate any changes, because it would likely just make me angry and frustrated. Lazy is clearly the better option.

It usually is, I find.

LIFEFAIL

Debt Wizard

Question:
How much salary do I need to support my student loan debt?

Answer:
Based on student loan debt of $63,000.00* to be repaid over 10 years at 6.8 percent interest, my estimated monthly payment is $725.01.
To support repayment of the debt, I should earn at least:
$52.28 Hourly
$9,062.58 Monthly
$108,750.91 Annually


*sobs uncontrollably*


at least I know:

"If you die, your student loan obligation will be cancelled."

Handy information, really.... @#$%^!

*I'm erring on the side of over estimation, here (I think hope)



....but, still.

MORE Reasons my Dad rules

So I was all happy about my refund check coming in, yeah? The thing was that it got mailed to Dad's in south Texas (which wasn't to ME in Oklahoma...) and he doesn't have a Bank of America in his little town, so you know what he did? My Awesome Dad drove an hour to a bigger city and deposited my check for me so it would get to me faster.


My dad rules. (Love you, Dad!!)

Mooooovies!

Hey! I'm back from the abyss that was Friday's workday. It was a terrifying journey but I made it back alive.


Ok, so there are a few movies that I am REALLY wanting to see this summer. Here are the two I am most excited about:


Away We Go


(500) Days of Summer


Also: MY IRS CHECK CAME IN FINALLY!!! Just in time for my 4th of July trip, too! Well, I have more actual work to do today, so blech. I'll blog later, promise. :)

Sending up a prayer to the IRS Gods

This is me pleading with the Gods that have the power to send me my refund check:

I'm begging you here... I'd really like to pay bills and put gas in my car and generally live without the pressing knowledge that I REALLY need to be paying various entities back money.

*end begging*


So to balance the groveling, here is a smushy song:


The Question - Old 97's

ihtf fo fweet.

...I apologize for that.