New Beginnings

I love the butterflies and fun expectation of a new relationship as much as the next girl, but you know what I hate? The not knowing. I just want to know where it's headed right at the get go. I have said before that I hate the game, and it's honestly probably more because I just suck at it than that I truly don't like it, but I have rarely met a dude where I wasn't able to tell within about 10 minutes (or FAR less) if I wanted to either just shake hands and say, "Thanks for showing up, but please go away," or dive right in and be inseparable. The waiting is the worst part. I just want to skip to the mutual "I like you"s and get on with it.




Patience: do not has. But I'll carry on as best I can. Between both retail jobs, the church gig and the opera in full frickin' swing, obviously the best thing for me to do is try to add a new relationship (lolol). Although, life has been quite a bit brighter since Valentine's Day. It's funny how actually adding to this already insanely busy life has made it all seem lighter in general.



:)

The Waiting Game

Welp, I haven't blogged in forever, but I feel like being a whiner. This thing is better than Twitter, because I feel like practically no one reads it. This way, I can be as self-indulgent as I want and I don't even care! Yippee!


So, I feel like I am perpetually waiting for something. I have felt like that for years, really. In a short term sense, I am always waiting on the next paycheck/holiday/gig/audition/whatever to happen. In broader terms, waiting for my potential recital in January. Waiting for May. Waiting to see what will happen in a few months. Maybe nothing. Maybe everything.



Lordy. Seriously, how cliché and rambly do I sound right now?! A lot. But that's what happens when you spend every day of your life waiting for the other shoe to drop. You just try desperately to be alright with this one shoe. To know that this shoe is pretty good, it's probably your favorite shoe you've ever had. And you hope that you get to keep it and that it will all be wonderful. The thing is, when that other shoe does drops (and it will... eventually), it could be awesome. It could even be the best thing ever. It could also be the most painful and horrible thing you've ever dealt with (which is saying something).

Waiting is horrible. But, as I have been doing my whole life, I'd rather just sit here with this singular shoe and not rock the boat. Because experience has taught me (on more than one occasion) that rocking the boat gets you nowhere but exactly where you don't want to be. Tenuously clinging to this one shoe is at least half hopeful. Once you get the other one (and it's almost always as bad as you had fervently hoped it wouldn't be), then you're stuck with it.


Total Schrödinger's cat.


This is the point in the waiting cycle that I just need to cram a LOT of stuff into every day so I don't think about that shoe so damn much. It's essentially impossible to do that, but I'm going to give it my best shot. I could use the money, anyhow.


With any luck, I'll get this job I interviewed for today. I haven't sold jewelry in a long time, but being in there today to interview, I actually missed it. All of the romance and love and gushiness that goes with jewelry is so good to get swept up in. More living vicariously through other people, but what are you gonna do? I am really hoping that I stayed in the jewelry selling business because I liked selling it and not for anything else.


A song for good measure:



Many the Miles - Sara Bareilles

Times they are a'changin'

I feel I have been a little remiss with my lack of posting. As I'm still in the process of doing a big ol' life overhaul, I don't want to jinx any part of it... so just know that there are big things afoot in my world and I will tell everyone about it as soon as everything settles down. In lieu of talking about MY life... I'll talk about a couple of other folks:


My loverly co-worker has some wonderful news!


Go on her blog to get the scoop!

I'm so excited for her!! She's going to be a great momma! :D

-·-
I'm SURE that if you're on the internet at all, you've heard of LiLu. Well, apparently , MTV wants her to be a Twitter Jockey!! I think the voting starts at the end of June, so get out there and be supportive!!

-·-
Ok, one more thing: I've been obsessively watching Buffy and Angel (to be a good Whedon fan, as I've never seen them) and this is good stuff! I'm watching Buffy S.4 and Angel S.1 concurrently because the storylines overlap and intertwine SUPER nicely! Gotta love a good Whedon show. Anywho, can't leave without putting a nice song up for everybody so here it is. Kind of a throwback, but awesome all the same.



No Rain - Blind Melon

Fields of Gold

Fields of Gold - Eva Cassidy




pics via and via

Ads

I'm sure everyone is going to be posting about the Superbowl today, and I am no different. I just want to share the cutest ad ever. I saw it before the Superbowl, and loved it then, so here it is for your viewing pleasure:






CUTEST. I may or may not have gotten choked up the first time I saw it...... (of course I did)

Love this song.

Sorry I'm so lame and never post anymore. I have... oh my GOSH so much to do. And... basically no time to do it. Ugh.

Anydisasterthatismylife, I love this song and, obviously, have to put it on here for you guys. :) If the voice sounds familiar, it's because it is. I have posted stuff by The Weepies before and Deb Talan is the lady half of that duo. (Also, there's a little blip noise right at the beginning that I can't get to go away. It's clearly NOT part of the song, but just deal with it.)


How Will He Find Me - Deb Talan



pic via so much love

In Austin!!

Well....


here I am!



We're in Austin, doing the wedding thing. Man, oh man... this is a total riot. I'll have pictures and whatnot later, but I'm just checkin' in with you guys.


YAY!!

Dear Old Love indeed

I read Dear Old Love as often, or more so, as I read TFLN. I find it both interesting and ironic that I have had several published only recently, since I have been submitting them for a while.

Kudos to you, Dear Old Love, for being able to tell when I was making it up and when I really meant it.

Dating in the Dark

Oh my goodness...


Smitten blogged about this show Dating in the Dark and I am so hooked. I haven't even finished an episode yet... I am actually blogging on the commercial break on ABC.com. Though, I confess, I will more than likely watch it on the hulu.com site from now on because I hate ABC's player so much.


Either way, I'll be watching it all day, I'm sure. I suggest you do the same.


Update: OH MY GOSH!! SOOO GOOD!! Season premiere=BRILLIANT. Lovelovelovelovelove....

Ever After You

Ever After You - Gabe Dixon Band

Easy come and easy go
Has never been the case.
Dreams of you are hard to erase.
Call me crazy, call me mad
Call me what you will
But I'm sane enough to know that I love you still.


They say that life goes on,
But I've been dead since you've been gone.
I think they were wrong.
So who's the fool?


I am ever after you,
Always ever after you.
Tell me what I have to do.
Is there a way to be happy ever after you?
Ever after you


There is no psychology
And no amount of prayers
That can cure the pain when you're not there.
'Cause this is not supposed to be
How a love should look
After you have closed the storybook.


They say that life goes on,
But I've been dead since you've been gone.
I think they were wrong.
So what's the use?


I am ever after you,
Always ever after you.
Tell me what I have to do.
Is there a way to be happy ever after you?


Reach out, reach out, reach out, reach out, reach out, reach out,
Reach out, reach out, reach out
I'm not going anywhere.


I am ever after you,
Always ever after you.
Tell me what I have to do.
Is there a way to be happy ever after you?




pic via Steep Street

Day off

Whenever I wake up here in a few hours, I have a day off. I am SO excited about it. I'm thinking that my Alyssa friend and I are going to play with her new puppy (a dachshund and chihuahua mix. I think they call it a Chi-weenie) and get cupcakes and drink my booze all day (read: play WoW like nerds).

Before I'm off to bed, I am loving this song:



Alexi Murdoch - Orange Sky

...my salvation lies,
in your love.

Update: Victoria's Secret called and I am apparently "on-call" tonight, so I have to go in and close. We're still going to get cupcakes, but geez. I am NOT going in tomorrow, whether it says I have an "on-call" or night. Eff that. URGH.

Love. This.

(click to embiggen)



via xkcd.com

Should have been you first

Holy Crap. My friends Charmaine and Dalton got married 2 years ago today (Congrats, guys!!). In my perusal of the Blogs of MySpace Past, I read this entry from way back then. I feel like I've grown since then, but it's interesting to remember those old times.

- - Even though it's a long one, you might should read this post from a while back so that this makes more sense. - -

Saturday, July 14, 2007

"It should have been you first!"

Current mood: discontent

This is what Charmaine's mother said to me twice today at the wedding. Twice. She looked around, indicating the wedded bliss around us, and told me that it should have been me first. I guess in her world that's not considered a horrific thing to say to someone who was engaged...... and then wasn't. The wedding was beautiful. It was simply superb to attend and to participate in something so absolutely stunning. It was very good for me to see something as wonderful as the marriage of two completely made-for-eachother people. It restores the faith in good things and helps foster the knowledge that there are good men left in the world. I mean actual good men. Men that will put forth the effort to sweep a woman off her feet and make her feel like a princess. Although, at this point, I would be glad to just see a man that won't lie to my face. I will never understand how a person can be so completely different than who I thought they were. But I digress... There are lots of girls want to get married. After seeing today, the getting married part could be fun. That's not really what I'm interested in anymore. I used to be, many moons ago. The white dress, the cake all of that. Nowadays, I really just want to be married. To wake up next to someone that is on your side 100% of the time. Someone that you can have every bit as much fun sitting around not doing anything as you do when you're out on the town. I see these photos of my friends that have found their person and their happiness is visible. I just want to be able to be a team with someone who will actively participate in the relationship in general. Clearly, this man for me is not here. This is ok. I am leaving this city. And not with a goal of finding someone, but instead with a very strict list of things that I will no longer tolerate in someone that I spend time with. I wasted a ton of time trying to be something other than just myself, and that was a hard habit to break, but it's better to be honest about who you are than to try to keep up a façade. No sooner than I learn this lesson, I allow someone else to absolutely walk all over the real and honest me and I, stupidly, still believed in the good that I thought I saw in them. I have now turned naïve and gullible into an art form.

Basically, I'm tired of playing all the games. I give. Uncle. Whatever. I don't care that it wasn't me first.




I just want to meet my husband.

Yessss, emo girl. Everybody heave a big ol' *SIGH* now.

---

Though, confession: I have been planning to post this for a while because I thought it would be entertaining, but I've been feeling all emo today, so it's kind of apropos. Maybe I'm hormonal or something retarded like that, but I feel psychotic and crazy and it's probably nothing but every little retarded thing is just making me go all batty and I hate it and I wish it would stop and it's making me stay up all night and toss and turn and the more I think about everything the more I really hate it. Anyway, I have to be at work in 4 hours. True to form, here's a song:




Invisible - Taylor Swift

(This is excessively emo. I realize this. I just feel all affected and sad and stupid shit. I'll look back later and either cry A LOT or laugh at my idiocy. Just the usual. This is almost as bad as the Bonnie Rait episode. This kinda sucks)

Even nicer

It's really nice to be able to say "I love you".
It's even nicer to be able to say "I love you, too".


via Sween

Wordless Wednesday: If at first you don't succeed...

]

*zzzzz* WHAT!? Ok, ok... I'm awake, it's cool.

Yeah.

So, I'm back! Yay! But I'm WHOA tired, so this will be short (hopefully, that isn't at all what he said) and sweet. Well, it will be short, anyway. I'll post a little more about my funfunfun 4th when I get to my camera (I think it's in my suitcase at home) and see if any of my pictures turned out. For now, I only have a the pictures from Joel's camera which, since we didn't take it to the top of the mountain, doesn't have any firework pictures on it.

What's that? Oh yeah. We totally watched fireworks from the top of a mountain. You guys = so jealous.

The gal that drove (her amazing Scion got such good gas mileage that my half wasn't even $50) had to be at work this morning at 6am (yikes), so we left last night from Albuquerque at about 9pm. Yes, in case you're counting, that gave us just about exactly enough time to get back as long as we didn't stop for very long. She dropped me off this morning at my apartment 10 minutes before she was supposed to be at work. I slept for 3 hours, went to a voice lesson (which was AWESOME) and I'm at work work now. I want to make a tasty casserole for dinner, but I'm very sleepy. It will all just depend on my laziness when I get finished with work.


I will definitely tell you all about of this later:

• Hallucinations on the road home


• KAH-razy dudes at the Love's just outside of Amarillo


• Mountaintop fireworks (with pictures!)


• Away We Go (HOLYMOLYSOGOOD)


• whatever else I think of when I'm not so damn sleepy

Aren't you just dying to know?! I know I am. (Hmm...) Before I go, here's a couple of pictures! Yay!





This place is like a postcard, y'all



Good weekend. :)

Until next time!

Song for today

And so over the great blue oceans
And then over the cities filled with light,
I know we'll be together tomorrow
Oh, but I'll dream of you tonight.


I'll Dream of You Tonight - Hem

]!

MORE Reasons my Dad rules

So I was all happy about my refund check coming in, yeah? The thing was that it got mailed to Dad's in south Texas (which wasn't to ME in Oklahoma...) and he doesn't have a Bank of America in his little town, so you know what he did? My Awesome Dad drove an hour to a bigger city and deposited my check for me so it would get to me faster.


My dad rules. (Love you, Dad!!)

Fireworks and Vacation time!

So I'm getting pretty excited for this lovely holiday weekend. As if you didn't know, I'm going to Albuquerque for a few days! And, as has been previously stated, vacations are wonderful.

Actually, this is the first of a couple of these trips this month, but this one is different for a couple of reasons. First, it was relatively unplanned. I have a co-worker whose boyfriend lives in Albuquerque (total coincidence) and so she goes out there about twice a month. She is cool as SHIT and we're going to have a total blast on the 8 hour car drive (and in her Scion, which gets MUCH better gas mileage than my Explorer). Second, this one will have FIREWORKS!!! (Well, I guess they'll both have fireworks, heh heh... ahem..)

Anyway...


Fireworks are so much the best thing and fun and wonderful and happiness and smushy and preeety.... *sigh*

I love fireworks.




Oh! I also love this song!! I heard it in the trailer for "Away We Go" and I can't stop listening to it:


All of My Days - Alexi Murdoch

]

pic here

Sending up a prayer to the IRS Gods

This is me pleading with the Gods that have the power to send me my refund check:

I'm begging you here... I'd really like to pay bills and put gas in my car and generally live without the pressing knowledge that I REALLY need to be paying various entities back money.

*end begging*


So to balance the groveling, here is a smushy song:


The Question - Old 97's

ihtf fo fweet.

...I apologize for that.