Thursday, July 23, 2009

Not so nice

As tends to happen, I started to write a comment back to GingerMandy and it turned into a whole blog post.

When I was first dating the ex-fiancé, we had a conversation about how mean I was am and that I needed to change myself fix it.

    ex-f: When I tell people I'm dating you, they are always surprised. I never knew why until I saw the way you acted at {whatever function we were attending}. You turn into this mean, sarcastic person and that's unacceptable (He may or may not have said "unacceptable," but it was pretty close).

    me: Well... yeah. That's just how I am. I've always been like that.

    ex-f: No you're not. Not when it's just you and me. I've seen how you are when you're with your family or just with me, and that sarcastic, mean person isn't you (Read: It isn't what I want you to be).

    me: Oh.

    ex-f: I used to be like you (Did I mention that he was a bit holier than thou?), and what my {dad, minister, mother, coach (I don't remember)} told me to do was that before I said anything, I should think, "Could this possibly hurt anyone?" and if it would, or you're not sure, don't say it. Whatever it was. And you might miss out on some good comments or jabs, but it will be better in the long run.

So in the name of keeping a boyfriend, I did. Everything out of my mouth was moderated and filtered. And you know what? People liked me. It was astounding. That was the only year I was elected Band Sweetheart (That's nerdtalk for I was the popular-est that year) and that has never happened before or again. You know what else? I was totally miserable. I felt like a different person, but not in a "I'm changed! I love it!" sort of way. The following fall semester, I worked with a dear friend of mine in the band office and she fixed me. She was is smart, gorgeous and mean. I LOVED working with her because I could be myself!! I hadn't been able to voice all these nasty, horrible, mean, sarcastic, judgy and wonderful comments to anyone because I was too busy trying to not "hurt anybody."

So as I write this, I am wondering: was it better to be nice to everyone or be myself? I'm a mean and sarcastic person, and ... ha, well, I was going to say "it's usually all in fun," but that's a lie. I'm mean, and it's mean, and I am not messing around. But at the same time, is that really a way to be? I see where you're going with this, GingerSweetPie, I really do. I'm just warning you, being nice is really hard work. However, if you're willing to put in the work, it legitimately yields results. It also makes you nice. I'll still love you, MandyPants, but as a rule, nice people make me ill.

I guess that's my answer. I honestly just like mean, sarcastic people better than nice, smiley ones. Maybe it's because it's just easier to be mean, but I'd like to think it's because it takes a honed intelligence to be mean. Anyone can be nice. It takes a special kind of person to be mean and sarcastic, but still lovable. Don't take this the wrong way, but if we're friends, it's probably because you're mean. And lovable. So... kisses to you all!


Alyssa Fox said...

Does this mean you don't like me as much as other people...? Sadface.

miss. chief said...

i'm a mean person too. i've come to accept it and i find life just works out better for me when i'm myself.

just be mean.

Laoch of Chicago said...

It is best to be yourself. Otherwise you will end up surrounded people who like someone who is not you and who you do not like, and thus end up living a life of quiet desperation.

The world is a huge place and there will be lots of people who will take a shine to your real personality.

Carolyn said...


(you were a band sweetheart?!? I don't know what to do with this information. It does not compute. I..I feel a little lost...)

Anonymous said...

amen I say. amen.