Oh, bother.

An open letter to a boy I'd very much like to date, but who, right now, is just plain pissing me off: 


You're a "sad panda," are you? Seriously?


Well, you know what would help with that? Talking to someone. Someone who really cares about what you feel and think and desperately wants to be there for you and help you NOT be sad. You DO realize that moping around and being sad on Facebook achieves two things: 1) It makes you look pitiful and 2) It makes me feel EXACTLY LIKE YOU'RE FEELING... except with some anger and active frustration mixed in. The only person making you a sad panda is YOU, because I sure as hell want to make you happy. I certainly cannot force you to be interested in me, but damn. You should be. It would sure solve a lot of our mutual problems. So give me a break and quit being an idiot. If you're going to persist in not being interested, the least you could do is man up a little and TELL ME you're not so I can quit wasting my energy being smitten with you. I feel like can't do any more than I already have: I drove a lot of hours to see you for not much time and support your endeavors AND give you presents... and I have heard nary a word from you since then. I think you are simply delightful and, frankly, pretty much everything I have ever been looking for, so QUIT BEING RIDICULOUS and whining about how no one cares about you and get with the frakking program. If there is something I should be doing that would make a difference, I really wish I knew what it was. I live to serve.



 -me






 
via

New Beginnings

I love the butterflies and fun expectation of a new relationship as much as the next girl, but you know what I hate? The not knowing. I just want to know where it's headed right at the get go. I have said before that I hate the game, and it's honestly probably more because I just suck at it than that I truly don't like it, but I have rarely met a dude where I wasn't able to tell within about 10 minutes (or FAR less) if I wanted to either just shake hands and say, "Thanks for showing up, but please go away," or dive right in and be inseparable. The waiting is the worst part. I just want to skip to the mutual "I like you"s and get on with it.




Patience: do not has. But I'll carry on as best I can. Between both retail jobs, the church gig and the opera in full frickin' swing, obviously the best thing for me to do is try to add a new relationship (lolol). Although, life has been quite a bit brighter since Valentine's Day. It's funny how actually adding to this already insanely busy life has made it all seem lighter in general.



:)

In the musicals

Loving this song:



In the Musicals - Björk


So this post isn't a huge deal or anything, but I wanted to write it down someplace just... I don't know, for posterity, or something. It will more than likely be one of those blogs (ooo! Blog from elsewhere...) that will make me feel silly when I read it later, but oh well. Like I said, I just wanted to write it.



I was NOT, however, going to just put it where anyone can see it! If you want to read it, I'll gladly give you the password. Just email me at tracyneproski (at) gmail (dot) com and I'll be more than happy to send the password your way. :)





Click on the dots to read the post (after you get the password from me, of course): ***

Now that I know how this works,
I may be using it more often. Hmm....

Recital Time!

So, for all of you wanting to watch this crazy recital thing, go here Sunday, March 7th, 2010 at 6pm CST. HOPEFULLY (crosses fingers) it will work as planned, though I can't be sure simply because technology sometimes hates me.

Also, I occasionally hear songs that are exactly perfect for a situation... then I hear another song that is also perfect for the same situation. Isn't funny how that works?



but then...




So yeah. That's kind of how I've been feeling lately: completely pulled in two directions. We'll just have to see how it goes, eh?


Hope you can tune in to the recital!! :D

Another pretty song and me whining about crap

Blargh.


I know I keep saying, "I'll start posting again, soon. I promise," and then vanish for weeks? I had my fingers crossed, I guess. Sorries. And there's nothing to report, really. There may be soon (with pictures and everything), but for right now, it's just time to get through the rest of the semester and find out about this stupid boy.



It's always a boy, isn't it?

ugh.

Corner - Allie Moss

Wedding pictures are exhausting.

You ever get into a circle of just really unproductive and unhealthy thoughts?


Example:

Why, hello, Facebook. What do you have for me today? Aww, her wedding pictures are pretty

*clicks through pictures*

Look at those dresses! I want dresses like that at my wedding

*keeps clicking*

Gah, if I ever get married

*stops clicking to get up and get a pint of ice cream. Resumes clicking*

And those little flower girls... Hm, if I never get married, I guess I'll never have kids, either

*click, click, click*

Look at how happy they are. My life is hopeless

*Cries a little into ice cream and finishes pint. Pops popcorn. Back to click-a-thon*

What am I doing with my life, anyway? Do I even want to sing opera? I have no direction at all.

*chokes on last bit of popcorn. Slight anxiety attack*

I only have a semester left in school, then what? You don't even know, do you? Nope. Husband, kids, house, life? Good luck.

*Eats several Babybels and keeps crying.*

I think I'm going insane. I hate my life. I have no goals...




Several hours later, I regain consciousness and survey the devastation of a depression buffet of popsicle wrappers and empty bags of potato chips, and realize I have been playing WoW mindlessly for the last several hours.

At least I won't have a hangover...

Horoscopes.

These stupid things always get me:

Yesterday:

Leo: You want your friends to know your exact position on an important subject. Additionally, you would love their support and hope they understand your next move. And as clear as you are about your plans, you are tired of having to tell everyone what you're doing and wish they could just figure it out for themselves. It's not an all-or-nothing proposition; keep your options open and readjust the intensity with which you communicate as needed.

(Yeah, Kelly? Uugh.)

Today:

Leo: You look out toward your future and see so many possibilities today that you don't know which path is yours to follow. But this isn't quite the same as feeling stuck; you're not. You are trying to hold on to a wait-and-see position because you don't want to make a false start now. Taking your time is a good idea, but don't wait so long that you do nothing at all and lose the current opportunities.

F me.

"Let me get that for you..."

(via le love)

sexy.

To clarify, Sassy Ginger, this is "sexy" (potentially because I'm "concupiscent" {look that shit up. trust me.}) as opposed to "smushy" so it's ok to post.

New music and my beef with bloggy photos

As tends to happen, Joel said I ought to listen to a band called Parachute because I would like it and... I did. (They sound like a more palatable Gavin Degraw, but anyhow). The video for "She is Love" is VERY cute (watch here), but I prefer the acoustic version on the album. So here's today's pretty picture and song post!


She Is Love - Parachute

I think this is pretty!
But it does contain obviously "bloggy" elements: tree, sky, blurred edges, birds


On an unrelated issue: why are balloons such a popular item in bloggy photos here lately (Exhibits A, B, and C?) I am not gonna lie, I like bloggy photos (you know, the ones that are arty and original and blurred on the edges with the saturation down and the focus on one specific and usually ironic thing?) and I have even posted arty photos, because they are bloggy. And arty. Anyhow.
There is just some typical subject matter in bloggy photos (flowers, sky, trees, lens flares, birds, skinny girls with flawless skin, disheveled hair and billowy short dresses), I just was mildly curious how balloons got into the mix. And typewriters? And cameras.
It's also funny to me how formulaic some bloggy photos are. I can make a bloggy photo in about 3 steps: reduce saturation, up contrast, add blurred edges/vignette. Ready? Here it is:


This is actually a photo from a college with a degree in landscape design. Truth be told, it was hard to find a landscape photo that wasn't already bloggy.


Blogified. Caption possibilities:
"My heart is here..."
or
"silence breaks me"

(Create your own!)




Well, this was longer than I expected it to be... (THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!)

Ok, enough harping on the bloggy world. As is obvious, I like 'em, too, but that doesn't make them any less predictable. :)



photo here

Favorite

I love it when I have known someone long enough to not only have inside jokes, but legitimate habits built on inside jokes. And I don't mean heavy-handed, obvious stuff. I'm talking the subtle and comforting goofiness when you know that a question is coming, so you look forward to it and laugh every time. Because it's funny. It's funny in its own right, but it's also funny that it still happens.


favorite.

Do we start on 1, or after 1?

Wicked cool song

The lyrics are neither nor there, but the vibe of this song is way cool. Kinda hot if you ask me...

Boy With A Coin - Iron & Wine



Thanks to Rümmi's brother for the Iron & Wine

Gloating post

I apologize in advance for the intense gloating I'm about to do, but it has to be done.


I frickin' LOVE my job.


The work I do is basically secretarial paperworky kind of stuff, but there is enough talking to folks on the phone that I do get some human contact. My boss is so nice, and the two lovely ladies I work with are fantastic beyond measure, too. The hours are WAY flexible, the people I work with are awesome, the work is pretty light and it's literally only a minute from my apartment. This is all in addition to when it's slow (which it can be really slow, sometimes), I can watch TV or play WoW or read or whatever I want pretty much. See what I mean?

I will never have it this good ever again.


Also, they always have Post-its, which (as is evident by the photo) is totally necessary for me to function.

Oh, Weepies....

"I only think about you
if it's raining...

...or it's not.

I am not a scholar.

Clearly, as what I was deeming a "kickass" paper just got ripped to shreds and didn't even get a passing grade (Yeah, sad story- I'm going to talk to the prof tomorrow). In trying to figure out how I could possibly have so grossly misjudged my paper and its worthiness, I have sort of stumbled onto this truth:


I am not a scholar.


This is not really news to me, but it hasn't been so apparent (and annoying) until recently. Lots of my prof's comments on my not-so-"kickass" paper are things like "why?" and it's sort of been like that (though much less) before. Also, my presentation sort of went down that way, too, with everyone asking why things were like that or why they did it that way. Here's the thing... for me, personally, I don't care why most anything is anything else. Most of my beliefs about... well, most things (most, most, most) are that way. I don't feel the need to know why, why it is the way it is, where it came from, about.... anything. Basically, I'm of the opinion that if it works, it works and that's all I need to know. Honestly, the way my brain processes things is a lot of the problem with regard to this specific class. I simply do not approach the information in this class the way I'm supposed to, and I don't think I can, either. Not without hand holding and lots of help because, I have never been trained to think about anything like this and probably even less helpful for the purposes of this class, since I have no desire to be good at this, it's impossible for me to even try to figure it out. Call it lazy if you want. I can only view it as an intense waste of energy, as I just have a really hard time with it and it will be of little (if any) use to me in the future.

It's sort of like me and subtlety. My whole world is basically the opposite of subtle. So when, in art of any kind (music, film, visual art), the point, the part I'm supposed to "get," is subtle... count me out. If you tell me what the point is, I can go, "Oh, yeah. Cool," and I will understand it, but I will rarely, if EVER, get it on my own. That's just the way it is. I have accepted this and it doesn't bother me. I just know this about myself. This concept feels like this class, where when he explains it to me, I understand it and know why it was wrong, but I would NEVER have seen that initially, which is why I turned whatever assignment it was in at all. If I had known that it was terrible, why would I have turned it in, or generated it in the first place?

The moral of this story is that if I'd wanted to be a scholar, I would have gone to a different school. I want to be a performer, and that is something they teach here pretty effectively.

Sad paperclip here

This was kind of lengthy. Sorry. However...

I'm about to watch a movie with someone a timezone away, which always makes life feel better.