Direction

It's getting to the point in my life where I am feeling like I am supposed to be doing something else. This is approaching last 6 months in OKC proportions. I hated life so much during that time, and I could tell that it was unequivocally a direction from the universe to get out of there. As soon as I left, life was immediately better.




As much as I love equally, but differently, both jobs, this is getting to be too much of a pain to make them work together with each other. Maybe it's because I'm disorganized or frazzled or too busy or whatever, but it's too much for me. Ideally, I'd like a 20-25 hour a week office job that is the SAME. Every week. And then work at one of the other jobs to fill in the gaps (I know which one I'd pick, but I'd rather not say and somehow jinx myself).



Don't Get Married Without Me - Punch Brothers


This song sounds so cool to me. I keep listening to it over and over. Not really relevant, I just like it. Oh, and there's the opera, too. Oof. This is one of those moments where I am just waiting on a definitive statement from the universe as to which direction I am supposed to move. Because change is a'comin'. I can feel it....

Magic

I want magic.


"I want magic," from Streetcar Named Desire by Andre Previn. Sung by Renee Fleming

Real! Who wants real?
I know I don't want it. I want magic!
Magic! Yes! That's what I want!
That's what I try to give to people.

I do misrepresent things.
I don't tell the truth.
But I tell what ought to be the truth.
What it ought to be.

Yes, magic. Magic's what I try to give to people.
If that's a sin,
If that is such a sin, then let me be... damned for it!
Don't turn on that light!

It'll all look so ugly in that light.
Why not see by candlelight... or moonlight, or by starlight?
They are bright enough to see by.
Sometimes too bright.


Yep.

Juggling

I have been busy before. When I was in school, there was time I had a 20 hour or so a week part time job, class, a recital, a paper and an opera all at the same time. I knew not what busy really was.


I have a church job that takes me away Wednesday evenings and Sunday mornings every week. The kicker is that it's about 45 minutes away. I have 2, count 'em, 2 retail jobs that insist on relative flexibility in my schedule, so making them play nice with each other is, and always will be, a pain in the ass. Those things alone were enough to kind of make me crazy. Now I just got cast in an opera (YAY)!!!

Thing is-- it's an hour away, going the OPPOSITE way from the church job. And there will be a LOT more rehearsals for that than I've had before for any other thing I've done recently. It'll be worth it, for sure, but it's going to be a nightmare trying to get all of my life scheduling to work together. And that's not even accounting for time to actually LEARN the thing. I guess that's for in the car. :P


Here's to not losing my damn mind...


Now for some shameless self promotion. This is from a recital I did a couple of weeks ago. It all went really well!

I have enough friends.

Also this:




and by extension, this:

Turning Tables

Turning Tables - Adele





via

Could've had it all...

I made a snap judgement about this lady:



Rolling in the Deep - Adele



I just didn't love her right at first. I have now revised my opinion, as she is sort of like Alanis Morissette crossed with Aretha Franklin. And let's face it-- that's pretty badass.


She is just the kind of angry girl music that I like. Mostly the kind that says exactly what happened to me (and anyone who listens to it feels that way, too). She also does some happy type songs (though, they're still kind of bitter [which I like]):


I'll Be Waiting - Adele

Sorry for the somewhat iffy quality on that last one...


Anyway, she does a sad kind, too. I just really like all of her music. The whole album. Not many artists get that particular praise from me. Worth the purchase on iTunes, for sure.


Someone Like You - Adele


I love her voice; both singing and speaking. And her fake eyelashes. And her cool hair. Here is a really interesting video talking about her meanings behind every song on the album and little snippets of all of them. Kind of a long video, but very cool.

Seriouly. How pretty is she?


Enjoy!

WALKING DEAD

Ok, you guys know... I watch a LOT of television. I mean, I have 15 shows in my Hulu subscriptions queue, but that doesn't count the FANTASTIC Mad Men or the newest (and potentially even MORE fabulous) Walking Dead. Holy SHIT you guys...... I am not really a zombie person (though I did really enjoy Zombieland), but this is just impeccable. The cute sign holding guy from Love Actually is the main character and... I just cannot be more impressed with this.




I'm adding it to the already ridiculous list of shows I religiously follow and commend the hell out of AMC for another job incredibly well done.






And I will leave you with this song. I hope it works, since my favorite forever drop.io is going away, I need to find another musicy source.




Space Junk - Wang Chung

Not Sleepy Thoughts

"I don't think people are meant to be by themselves. That's why if you actually find someone you care about, it's important to let go of the little things, even if you can't let go all the way. Because nothing sucks more than feeling all alone no matter how many people are around."

- Dr. John Dorian

I am quite accustomed to being a third wheel. I like to think that I'm not too awkward about it and that I handle it with an amount of grace most of the time. Here lately, though... it's reaching a breaking point. I know that I am beginning to sound like a desperate, crazy person, but for real. I love all of my friends, it's just that they're all IN LOVE with each other and I feel like a bigger and more hopeless disappointment to myself after each time we all hang out.

I think the thing that frustrates me so much about it is that I can't force it to happen any faster than it just will. "It" being meeting a dude I can stand to talk to for more than 30 seconds that doesn't find me repulsive. I've started to have these really disconcerting thoughts lately like, "Maybe I just never will meet anyone. Maybe I'll just be alone forever," and let me tell you what, that will put a damper on your day in a hurry. I have just never had that thought occur to me. I will get married. I will have kids. These haven't been optional life occurrences. But, again, I can't do it by myself and I suck so bad at the meet, chitchat, play the game part that my future is looking rather bleak at the moment. Anyway, just venting my thoughts to the internet again.

And more bad news: One of my very favorite websites drop.io is closing because Facebook bought them. I am incredibly sad about this and that also means that after December, you won't be able to hear or download the music on my blog. As it is, I can't upload anything new, either. Luckily, this was already on a different drop.



Ghosts - Laura Marling

Hopefully, I can find a suitable substitute. :(

Missing

You ever just feel like you've missed someone? In a timing way, I mean. Like... I don't know, there was maybe a person and it felt like there was something... and then...



If I Ever Feel Better - Phoenix


I realize that a 3 day business conference is not the most reliable or likely place to meet someone that you could potentially connect with on lots of levels and make you laugh and has that... that thing... but never say never, right?

Well, it is par for the course that this person- this highly intelligent, incredibly interesting person- would obviously be related to my business in such a way that it's just downright inadvisable to see where it would go. Let me just say that it has been a long damn time since I have encountered a person that I thought, "Hm... I just want to be around you and see what you're all about," and they have thoughts even approaching reciprocated.



Rabbit Heart (Raise it Up) - Florence + the Machine

And they were reciprocated! But also mutually... declined? Turned away? It wasn't even a rejection. It was a decision to be responsible* and walk away. And the thing that kills me is that no matter how correct we were to do that... Gah! I just feel like there was something there. Or at least, there sure was potential to be...


*I couldn't find an appropriate text quality (bold, italic, all caps, some combination of those) to express my incredibly sad and disappointed FURY at this word in this particular context.

kisses are a better fate
than wisdom.
-e.e. cummings

Hiatus.

So, I read about this book and also read this article and it makes me wonder:


Should I quit the internet for a while?


I mean, I can't totally quit because I work from home and a LOT of it is done via email, but I could at least quit Facebook and Twitter (let's get real- even if you have Myspace, we all quit that a long time ago...) and try to forge some ACTUAL relationships! Go out and DO things!




Kelli O'Hara - "The Beauty Is" from Light in the Piazza by Adam Guettel


As far as the logistics of such a move, it would basically just be the social parts of the internet that I would "quit." I figure that I can still watch my TV online as even pre-Facebook culture had television. I can still Google stuff and listen to music online and everything that the internet can offer me as far as information, but just not the false interaction that one gets from looking at a friend's wedding pictures and sort of feeling like you were there.




Cosmic Love - Florence + the Machine


I guess my biggest hesitation (fear...?) is that I won't feel any less alone by pulling away from it. I feel pretty alone now, but again, this is an alone that is propagated by just sitting on my ass all day since I can "see" my friends any time I log in to Facebook. Also, this drops in early December, and as I have previously mentioned, I do like playing the game and I love my friends that also play it, so that makes it rough to just STOP interneting. Though, I guess WoW is a game and isn't strictly social, but still. If I quit the others, the WoW would likely suffer. Anyway, I just kind of feel like making a change in the ol' life to try to jumpstart its not sucking. I don't know where blogging or not blogging would fit into this scenario. I wouldn't blog, obviously, but I don't know how much I would read of others' blogs because that seems like exactly the sort of thing I'm trying to cut out. So that's up in the air.




Heavy in Your Arms - Florence + the Machine


I will say this: Florence + the Machine is helping quite a bit with the not sucking part.


Anyway, what do you guys think about quitting the internet?

In the musicals

Loving this song:



In the Musicals - Björk


So this post isn't a huge deal or anything, but I wanted to write it down someplace just... I don't know, for posterity, or something. It will more than likely be one of those blogs (ooo! Blog from elsewhere...) that will make me feel silly when I read it later, but oh well. Like I said, I just wanted to write it.



I was NOT, however, going to just put it where anyone can see it! If you want to read it, I'll gladly give you the password. Just email me at tracyneproski (at) gmail (dot) com and I'll be more than happy to send the password your way. :)





Click on the dots to read the post (after you get the password from me, of course): ***

Now that I know how this works,
I may be using it more often. Hmm....

Bossanova

Mmmmm, y'all. I am loving this song. It's... well, I don't know what it is, but I like it.




Blue Bossanova - Bossanova







via

Bieberized.

Ok, I have zero opinion of Justin Bieber. But THIS is awesome.

Go check it out.









....I wish I had a photo or something for this, but I just don't. Hehe :)

Times they are a'changin'

I feel I have been a little remiss with my lack of posting. As I'm still in the process of doing a big ol' life overhaul, I don't want to jinx any part of it... so just know that there are big things afoot in my world and I will tell everyone about it as soon as everything settles down. In lieu of talking about MY life... I'll talk about a couple of other folks:


My loverly co-worker has some wonderful news!


Go on her blog to get the scoop!

I'm so excited for her!! She's going to be a great momma! :D

-·-
I'm SURE that if you're on the internet at all, you've heard of LiLu. Well, apparently , MTV wants her to be a Twitter Jockey!! I think the voting starts at the end of June, so get out there and be supportive!!

-·-
Ok, one more thing: I've been obsessively watching Buffy and Angel (to be a good Whedon fan, as I've never seen them) and this is good stuff! I'm watching Buffy S.4 and Angel S.1 concurrently because the storylines overlap and intertwine SUPER nicely! Gotta love a good Whedon show. Anywho, can't leave without putting a nice song up for everybody so here it is. Kind of a throwback, but awesome all the same.



No Rain - Blind Melon

Stupid.

A day or so ago, Jason was talking about Sherree Chamberlain (one of my most favorite artists) and said that one of her songs was "a song that I can sympathize with so completely that I'm almost ashamed to admit it." I heard a one this weekend that made me think of that sentiment- one that I can sympathize with very completely. Enjoy, y'alls. :)


Stupid - The Long Winters

Fields of Gold

Fields of Gold - Eva Cassidy




pics via and via

Tik Tok

During this time of graduation and whatnot, I have seen a lot of Facebook statii that are along the lines of "Wow! I can't believe that I graduate this week!" or "I am a junior in college now? When did that happen?" I can relate to these on an "I have been there" level, but also on a "Holy crap... I have to drive 13 hours tomorrow" level.


13 hours.


In lieu of walking the stage at my commencement this weekend, I have an audition for Pensacola Opera's Artist in Residence program. As in... it's IN Pensacola. So, since I have some amazing friends in Mobile, AL, I'm going to drive there tomorrow and stay with them for the weekend. I am SUPER excited, since I NEVER get to see them. I talk to them on a daily basis, but I have only seen them IRL (hahaha) one other time.

Anyhow, it's just blowing my mind that I'm going to be driving that distance....tomorrow. Eep.

In music news, I am loving this song:


Tik Tok - ke$ha

Heard it via Today's Big Thing and THIS genius Simpson's opening.

Sherree Chamberlain

I am forever indebted to Jason (of Eyes Made Ready fame) for sending this to his sister (Rümmi) so she could send it to me. It is so wonderfulness....

This is an artist that if you EVER get the chance to hear her, DO IT. I got her album a while back and I absolutely love it. I went to Pandora her and when I couldn't find her I was confused. After some checking, I found out that she's local, and that's why she wasn't on there. I went to this amazing show the other night with Robert Deeble, New Plains, and Sherree Chamberlain. It was the most flawless live show I have ever attended.


Birdsong - Sherree Chamberlain



Quick, running up the stairs, do you see what I see
out through the window pane, past the leaves into the trees
Birds fly, birds fly, two, three, four, five
one stays, one stays there

And my sisters laugh at him, "Do you see what he is doing?
It looks like he's talking to the branches."
"Oh come down, right now, don't dilly dally," mother's calling
"Children, it's time for supper."

But I stay up to it, I lock myself inside my bedroom
Thinking about what I was seeing.
Nobody watching, so I pressed my ear up to the glass
To see if I could hear what he was saying.

He said,
It's concrete and stone,
and this old skin's just a bag of bones,
all life is is a simple breath
blood through veins air to our heads,

We have something more than this.

Oh he is an old one with feathers falling, colors greying
Voice is tired from his song
and look in his black eyes, and your proudest stories are worth telling
I know I'll never get to hear them.

'Cause days pass, weeks pass, nights are long and days get shorter
Cold wind blows from the east
And my brothers speculate that he's lost his marbles, he's gone crazy
I heard a much different story

He said,

I lost my mother when I was much younger
to a cat with big paws and big claws.
And my daddy left me when I was a baby
for worms, and caterpillars and warmer places.

We have something more than this.

So snow falls, snow falls, fingers curling, noses icy
we all go out to fetch him
and snow falls, snow falls, a cardboard casket, kerchief on it
Now I know, I know, I know

Snow falls, snow falls, I am crying, mother's calling
I know I must go
And snow falls, snow falls, I am crying, mother's calling
I go, I go, I go

Springs comes, children play, babies born and flowers blooming
I will never forget him

Concrete and stone,
and this old skin's just a bag of bones,
all life is is a simple breath
blood through veins air to our heads,


We had something more than this.



The song sounds fantastic, but I find that the words actually make a huge difference. I just transcribed them as best as I could; it's hard to hear some of it, but you'll get the gist with what I have here, I hope. If you find any errors, please let me know! Enjoy!

Still Alive

This is from one of the coolest games I have ever played, Portal. It's a puzzle game where you shoot a gun that makes a portal in the wal--

um...


Just read the article. It's sort of... involved. Anyhow, when you beat the game (which is SO funny and cool), it plays this song. The song is really cute sounding, but it ties into the game too, and it's so... sigh. I love video games.


Still Alive - Portal AI

...I feel fantastic and I'm
still alive.

Come Pick Me Up

I'm not going to lie, I have no idea what this song is about, but it sounds like my day today- tired, a little frustrated, melancholy, ambivalent and lazy. I can't stop listening to it...





Come Pick Me Up - Ryan Adams

When they call your name
Will you walk right up
With a smile on your face
Or will you cower in fear
In your favorite sweater
With an old love letter

I wish you would
I wish you would
Come pick me up
Take me out
Fuck me up
Steal my records
Screw all my friends
They're all full of shit
With a smile on your face
And then do it again
I wish you would

When you're walking downtown
Do you wish I was there
Do you wish it was me
With the windows clear and the mannequins eyes
Do they all look like mine

You know you could
I wish you would
Come pick me up
Take me out
Fuck me up
Steal my records
Screw all my friends behind my back
With a smile on your face
And then do it again
I wish you would

I wish you'd make up my bed
So I could make up my mind
Try it for sleeping instead
Maybe you'll rest sometime
I wish I could

It sounds like slow dancing with a cowboy,

and that ain't never a bad thing.