Showing posts with label Problems: I has dem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Problems: I has dem. Show all posts

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Direction

It's getting to the point in my life where I am feeling like I am supposed to be doing something else. This is approaching last 6 months in OKC proportions. I hated life so much during that time, and I could tell that it was unequivocally a direction from the universe to get out of there. As soon as I left, life was immediately better.

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As much as I love equally, but differently, both jobs, this is getting to be too much of a pain to make them work together with each other. Maybe it's because I'm disorganized or frazzled or too busy or whatever, but it's too much for me. Ideally, I'd like a 20-25 hour a week office job that is the SAME. Every week. And then work at one of the other jobs to fill in the gaps (I know which one I'd pick, but I'd rather not say and somehow jinx myself).



Don't Get Married Without Me - Punch Brothers



This song sounds so cool to me. I keep listening to it over and over. Not really relevant, I just like it. Oh, and there's the opera, too. Oof. This is one of those moments where I am just waiting on a definitive statement from the universe as to which direction I am supposed to move. Because change is a'comin'. I can feel it....

Saturday, February 18, 2012

New Beginnings

I love the butterflies and fun expectation of a new relationship as much as the next girl, but you know what I hate? The not knowing. I just want to know where it's headed right at the get go. I have said before that I hate the game, and it's honestly probably more because I just suck at it than that I truly don't like it, but I have rarely met a dude where I wasn't able to tell within about 10 minutes (or FAR less) if I wanted to either just shake hands and say, "Thanks for showing up, but please go away," or dive right in and be inseparable. The waiting is the worst part. I just want to skip to the mutual "I like you"s and get on with it.

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Patience: do not has. But I'll carry on as best I can. Between both retail jobs, the church gig and the opera in full frickin' swing, obviously the best thing for me to do is try to add a new relationship (lolol). Although, life has been quite a bit brighter since Valentine's Day. It's funny how actually adding to this already insanely busy life has made it all seem lighter in general.


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:)

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Magic

I want magic.


"I want magic," from Streetcar Named Desire by Andre Previn. Sung by Renee Fleming


Real! Who wants real?
I know I don't want it. I want magic!
Magic! Yes! That's what I want!
That's what I try to give to people.

I do misrepresent things.
I don't tell the truth.
But I tell what ought to be the truth.
What it ought to be.

Yes, magic. Magic's what I try to give to people.
If that's a sin,
If that is such a sin, then let me be... damned for it!
Don't turn on that light!

It'll all look so ugly in that light.
Why not see by candlelight... or moonlight, or by starlight?
They are bright enough to see by.
Sometimes too bright.


Yep.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Stolen!

Have you ever had someone steal something from you? Even if it wasn't yours- they are holding the thing that you handed them, and then, suddenly and without warning, they literally take off running as fast as they can away from you.


It's weird.


At first, I felt totally responsible. Then, I felt not responsible for it at all! Then I worry that my delightful bosslady is going to think I'm irresponsible.

It would have been SO much more convenient for the douchbag to steal from one of the other two, very seasoned associates that I was working with at the time. It happened so fast that it would have gone the same way with them, I feel. Oh well, we'll just see what happens tomorrow morning when bosslady and I open the store.


Best. New Employee. Ever.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Who's a cliché?

Yeah, that would be me.

I need a job. Really, really bad. And I'm looking. I really am. I have applied to dozens of places and I have yet to get even a call. Oy. I feel like such a frickin' cliché by being unemployed but willing to work. However, I have a holy grail of a job that may be out of my league anyway, but I applied. And my cover letter kicked ass, if I do say so myself. So this is my little plea to the internet to send good thoughts and prayers and whatnot my way. My holy grail job is actually one that I would be very good at and would actually LOVE to be involved in. I don't know that I've ever wanted a job like I want this job. So.... if I could get some good karma this way, I'd appreciate it.


Thanks, guys.


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Sunday, October 17, 2010

Missing

You ever just feel like you've missed someone? In a timing way, I mean. Like... I don't know, there was maybe a person and it felt like there was something... and then...



If I Ever Feel Better - Phoenix



I realize that a 3 day business conference is not the most reliable or likely place to meet someone that you could potentially connect with on lots of levels and make you laugh and has that... that thing... but never say never, right?

Well, it is par for the course that this person- this highly intelligent, incredibly interesting person- would obviously be related to my business in such a way that it's just downright inadvisable to see where it would go. Let me just say that it has been a long damn time since I have encountered a person that I thought, "Hm... I just want to be around you and see what you're all about," and they have thoughts even approaching reciprocated.



Rabbit Heart (Raise it Up) - Florence + the Machine


And they were reciprocated! But also mutually... declined? Turned away? It wasn't even a rejection. It was a decision to be responsible* and walk away. And the thing that kills me is that no matter how correct we were to do that... Gah! I just feel like there was something there. Or at least, there sure was potential to be...


*I couldn't find an appropriate text quality (bold, italic, all caps, some combination of those) to express my incredibly sad and disappointed FURY at this word in this particular context.


kisses are a better fate
than wisdom.
-e.e. cummings

Monday, August 16, 2010

Television

I think I have some significant OCD tendencies. I wish they'd migrate over into my room cleaning habits, but mainly they stay in the part of brain that likes watching television.

I like T.V. I watch a LOT of T.V., actually. At any given time, there are between ten and fifteen shows that I'm watching weekly and trying to keep up with. Thank God for Hulu, right? I'm 2 episodes away from being finished with Mad Men, which is good, because my OCDness cannot be sated until it's done. Oh, Mad Men...

Some people are enamored with him.

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I'm enamored with her.

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(well, really more her, though this photo is better)
{or better still, this one. How frickin' gorgeous!!}



Anyway, I really want to start watching Friday Night Lights because it seems very much up my alley, but it's all on Netflix. I know that this seems like a boon (and eventually it will be), but right now, if I watch the pilot..... I'll be sucked in. I'll have to watch ALL OF THE EPISODES until I'm caught up. And thank goodness it's on Hulu or I'd never keep up, but oy. I need a break from my T.V. so I can get back to the important things in my life.



::ahem::

Saturday, August 7, 2010

An update and some whining

Ok, as the title suggests, this is going to be an update and then some whining. So here we go:


Update:

1) I moved to San Marcos, TX! This is wonderful on SO many levels. I LOVE it here. Here being Texas. I mean, I like San Marcos just fine, but after living in Oklahoma for three years, my self just needed to be back. It was so very time.

2) I have an amazing job here! I am a sales rep for decorative plumbing, which might sound familiar. It should, er... surely I've mentioned the plumbing thing.... anyway, my new Bosslady and her family are AMAZING and I just can't say enough nice things about them and all they are doing for me in this very new to me job.

Whining:

1) I am sunburned. Ouch. I never get sunburned!! Not because I am particularly immune to it; quite the contrary (I am almost certain that I was the whitest person at the river today). I just never go outside. So... yeah. That's not fun.

2) Remember my big bunch of changes? Well.... I have pretty much failed at all of them. I gained my 20 pounds back, I sleep in until just before I need to be awake and my nails aren't pretty anymore. About the only thing left of my fabulous eating habits from the beginning of the year is that I still just drink water. That is actually kind of nice, but to be back at the old weight AND just drinking water.... oy. I hate that there is always something. You know what I mean? Now that I'm back in Texas with a killer job that I am excited about and living on my own (which is wonderful), I am eating poorly, unmotivated to lose the weight because being skinny is hard and my starter in my car may be going out. When I was skinny and eating great and had plenty of money, my roommate hated me and I didn't want to be at my apartment ever and I had all the crazy school stress. Not to mention the varied states of singleness I've been floating through since January. And I haven't sung since... my recital? Wow. I guess not. And my paper, while mostly done, is not quite finished. That thing is seriously the bane of my existence. Any volunteers to write one more paragraph for me?

...Seriously, though. Email me.



Anyway, back to the fatness thing, last time that I got on track with this eating healthy deal, I was crazy. I planned every day in a crazygirl spiral notebook (down to what I would eat and when), went to bed REALLY early, woke up REALLY early, worked out every day... so I guess I'll get back to that. Like I said, I can't really say that I was any happier when I was skinnier. I was working my ass off to be that way and not really eating the food I like- the bad for me food. I guess in the same way that one sometimes falls away from the faith and starts lovin' the sinnin' lifestyle, I need to read my Bible and pray every day to get back on track. I want to lose 40 pounds. I lost 20. I was halfway there!!! I feel like I'm continuously about 5 or 6 months away from being as skinny as I want. Feasibly, I'd be in the shape I want just in time for Christmas only to start the vicious cycle all over again. Oh well, I guess that's just the way it always goes, huh? Time to work out and then go to sleep (after a little time with my crazygirl notebook, of course).


Also... saw this- Love it.

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via

Saturday, July 3, 2010

A Letter to Seester

Dear Seester,


I love you. You are my favorite sister, but seriously. I would really rather you not respond to my random inside joke text with a phone call telling me how you're out with all of the people I'd love to be out with but can't because I A) don't live in Wichita Falls anymore and B) don't have to extra fundage to go down there every weekend. I would also appreciate it if you would refrain from telling me the stories reinforcing how you're the dangerous, mysterious, and cool sister. I know you are. It's painful enough just being the boring, straight-laced, un-adventurous one, but you letting me know that the guy who has been my go-to crush on guy since fourth grade said that you're "super f*&^ing hot" was almost over the line of what I can reasonably handle. Even if it doesn't seem like it bothers me or matters, it does; on both counts. I'm not the cool one. I'm okay with it most of the time. I'd like it if you didn't rub it in...


*sigh*



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picture via

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Trapped.

Trapped here like rats! Small little rats with no hair and one leg! (Oh yeah. I went there.)


I am trapped. Pretty much every way a person can be trapped... well, without actually being trapped, I suppose. Ready for my, er... trappings?

My roommate hates me.
This is both okay and not okay. I have been where she is, and knowing this, there is nothing I can do to make her happy or make her hate me less. Everything I do, no matter how irrational, is going to drive her insane. Knowing this makes it slightly easier to live in my apartment. The biggest thing is that while I have felt that way before, I can't recall being rude or mean to whoever I felt that way about. It's unnecessary and petty, but I have no fight in me. Mainly because that's just not how I operate, but also just because I have been trying to alleviate stress on the situation for months and I am exhausted. She will never see or know or frankly, care, but I have done all I can do. It's time to part ways, and thankfully that will be soon.

This boyfriend thing.
I started this sentence 4 times because I don't know what to say about it. I like hanging out with the guy, I love his family and his friends and he is very good at being a boyfriend. I don't want to not have those things, but I really don't think I want to date him anymore. I know there is a relatively black and white solution, but I'm lame and he is so very good to me... I just... I have this fear that I am too picky. With each passing day/month/year (oy), I want to think that I'm waiting to not settle. Waiting so that I can have the best life I can have. Having not really found it yet, I am starting to get this gnawing feeling that I'm holding out for some Holy Grail that I will never actually find. And then I'll just be alone and not settling by myself, which isn't any good either. I don't want to settle, but I don't want to be alone forever, either, so where's that breaking point?

My apartment is a warzone.
Remember how my roommate hates me? Well, I don't like being at my apartment. It is such a hostile environment that I would rather be pretty much anywhere else. I'm probably going to put a bunch of potatoes (don't judge me; I eat them every day for lunch, anyhow) in my car and stay at one of my places of employment until bedtime. Then go home and go to sleep. I'll get my laundry and regular life stuff done on Saturdays when she's working, or possibly on Sundays when she's off and out with her friends. That baffles me... if she has friends (which she does), why doesn't she hang out at their place? I can't imagine she likes being at the apartment- but then again, I may just be projecting MY incredible sense of discomfort and hostility onto her and assuming she feels that, too. Anyway, I don't feel welcome in my own dang apartment. That is the point of this one.

I can't talk to anyone.
I know that's not totally true, but, again, who would I normally talk to about my roommate situation being awful and feeling like crap and not wanting to go home? Boyfriend. Or Twitter, or Facebook, but for various reasons, again, little Bloglette, you're basically my only refuge. Thank you, blog-o-whatever, for being here for me to spill my guts to when my head is pounding and I can't think of any other way to try to assuage the ache than to just talk about all the garbage that's bothering me.

Since roommate will move out in June sometime, I believe, hopefully my life will brighten then. I auditioned for Pensacola Opera this past weekend, and while it was a fun trip to get to see my friends, it was a not so good audition since I was still not firing on all vocal cylinders. If they're grading on potential, I might have a vague shot at getting in. I am not optimistic.


So, yeah. A good week....

I did hear this artist and I think I have a new favorite. Sort of in the vein of Hem, Alison Krauss and others. I am too lazy right now to link them.


I Wonder What is Keeping My True Love This Night - Kate Rusby

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Bearer of bad news

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You ever notice that in a relationship of any kind, if there is something bothering one party, it weighs on them. Well, the problem is that when they tell the other person, that weight doesn't go away, it simply transfers from them to the other. It's as if the knowledge itself has mass. I think that sucks. I mean, there's nothing you can do to help it, but it still sucks.

Example: There is a boy and a girl and they are friends, but the girl is in love with the boy. This information weighs on her (trust me) but what good does it do to spill it to the boy? Especially if she's relatively sure he doesn't feel that way about her? Then he's just stuck dealing with it. She feels better now that she's not harboring all of these secret feelings, but he has to bear the burden of the knowledge now. So whaddya do?

Example again: There is a dating couple and one feels emotionally not okay about something in the relationship. I mean, at some point, the person has to tell the other about it. That's just what you do. But it still sucks because now the weight of the burden has shifted and while the one doing the telling feels better, sure, the receiver of information now has to feel weighted down and crappy.


Life is hard.



picture found here.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Here comes emptiness crashing in

I am feeling highly whiny this morning, and there really is no venue (save this little bit o'internet) that I can whine to, so aren't you lucky? You get to read about how bummed out I feel this morning. Hey, look on the bright side, I'll probably give you a pretty/sad picture and a nice, depressing song.

You ever just have days where you feel... gross? Like, sad gross. I just cannot feel good this morning. I have weird voice issues and I can't do anything right at home to make my roommate not hate me and this new boyfriend thing is weighing on me, too and it's just... it's making me feel gross. Now I'm at the church and I really need to be working on the bulletin for Sunday, because it's going to be our first one in a new format, but I don't want to do anything but just go somewhere else with people I like that like me and just bask in the friendliness.

Sidebar- it's ironic that after I have (another) disheartening conversation with this new boyfriend, this time about his atheism versus my loving the Jesus, I want nothing but more church and I have all this ushy-gushy Jesus love and I want to sing hymns and learn about being a better Christian and yada yada, and who can't I tell about all this because it's sort of antagonizing? Oh right- the person I really should be able to talk about it with.

Alsoalso- I have talked about the stupid crap people do to each other before, but can I please just talk about for a second how it baffles me further how people can't be nice to each other? Why? Why would you be mean to another person? I am mean, I really am. And frankly, I enjoy being mean. But, if the target person is my friend, or even just someone I have to deal with on a semi-regular basis, why not be civil? No one gets any more out of the interaction when one is mean. And I am kind of a pushover, because when people I have to deal with are mean to me, I just lay down and take it, mostly. Because I don't like being mean (Again, in this particular sense), and it really messes with me when people are mean to me.

Anyhow, whine whine whine. And a song and a photo, as promised:


Another Lonely Day - Ben Harper



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Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Time Management.

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President: We're too late. Without the sword the players will fail.

Member 1: If we could get to a computer, we could sign on to the World of Warcraft and give the boys the sword online.

President: I don't have a World of Warcraft account. Do you?

Member 1: No, I have a life.


If you don't recognize that screenshot, go watch this immediately.


I am currently having a general life conflict. In January and part of February, I felt like I was in some sort of Life-Zen place. I was working out and waking up early every day, I lost about 20 pounds, I wrote my huge, awful, terrible paper, I did my last opera at OCU and my graduate recital and now... I'm sort of lacking in some way.

I wrote this post a couple of days ago, and I feel that a better word for how I feel is Slacking. I'm not waking up like I used to, I'm going to bed later... yada yada. After reevaluating my changes between then and now, the only significant one I can find is that I'm back on the WoW bandwagon. Here's the thing; I frickin' love this game. I love playing it, I love the holidays, pets, achievements... I just really enjoy the game. However- I can quit the game. I have quit it before, but I don't want to quit having a reason to talk to my best friend and her husband every day, because THAT is really important to me.

So the quandary is how to play the somewhat life consuming game and also be working out and losing weight like I was. Granted, not eating crap all the time will help (fell off that bandwagon a bit as well), as will working out. My problem has been finding the time, since before I did it in the morning when I woke up bright and early. Playing the game (AND keeping up with the Craigs) necessitates being tied to the computer during prime sleeping time. I will say that during January and my Life-Zen, I felt like an old lady going to bed at 10:30 every night. It is also not helping my time situation that I am working 8a-5p every day, and that wasn't the case before, either.


Anyway, I think I've finally gotten on the road to the happy medium. Still play, eat like I'm supposed to, but workout either right after work or before bed. Not the most ideal setup, but MUCH better than not doing it at all and I still get my game friends. :)

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Come Pick Me Up

I'm not going to lie, I have no idea what this song is about, but it sounds like my day today- tired, a little frustrated, melancholy, ambivalent and lazy. I can't stop listening to it...





Come Pick Me Up - Ryan Adams


When they call your name
Will you walk right up
With a smile on your face
Or will you cower in fear
In your favorite sweater
With an old love letter

I wish you would
I wish you would
Come pick me up
Take me out
Fuck me up
Steal my records
Screw all my friends
They're all full of shit
With a smile on your face
And then do it again
I wish you would

When you're walking downtown
Do you wish I was there
Do you wish it was me
With the windows clear and the mannequins eyes
Do they all look like mine

You know you could
I wish you would
Come pick me up
Take me out
Fuck me up
Steal my records
Screw all my friends behind my back
With a smile on your face
And then do it again
I wish you would

I wish you'd make up my bed
So I could make up my mind
Try it for sleeping instead
Maybe you'll rest sometime
I wish I could


It sounds like slow dancing with a cowboy,

and that ain't never a bad thing.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Easter Candy, or Why New Year's Resolutions to Lose Weight Frequently Don't Succeed

- Ok, I'm going to go ahead and say upfront that this should probably be two different blogs, but one dovetails so nicely into the next that I'm going to leave it. -

I had an epiphany the other day, and it has made me wonder how anyone in the history of ever has kept a New Year's Resolution to lose weight for more than two or three months.

Everybody knows that in January, right after New Year's with its resolutions, the gyms are all packed and most of America goes on some kind of diet. We're all fat, we all wish we weren't, so with a new year comes fresh convictions and optimistic changes and hopes that we can change ourselves for the better. Well, through both personal experience and observation, I can tell you with relative certainty why people don't/can't/won't stay on a diet for very long after the new year.

Easter.

Shocking, right? Think about this: in January, your diet/exercise plan is both new and novel and you are all excited and maybe even getting some results. Then, BAM! Valentine's Day. Now, if you're single, you might be able to avoid the Valentine candy. But no sooner has that passed than EASTER hits you. And Easter is different; Easter is special. When you really get down to it, there are really four big candy related holidays: Valentine's Day, Easter, Halloween and Christmas. But of all of them, Easter has the most decadent and tempting (irony given the holiday's meaning?) seasonally specific candy. Sure, Valentine's day has conversation hearts and Halloween has candy corn.... but Easter. Who can resist Robin's Eggs? Or.... Cadbury Creme Eggs...... It's a dieting person's nightmare!! Just when you're really getting used to not eating crap (read: tasty, fattening food) all the time is when the absolute most delicious and bad-for-you treat rears its sugary, chocolatey head. And like I said, it's seasonally specific!! You can't even GET Cadbury Creme Eggs any other time of the year, so I, for one, feel like I'm wasting a delicious opportunity by NOT eating one some of them.


I realize that this is getting lengthy (that's what she said), but I have a related topic I must send into the blog-o-whatever. My Caleb friend and I were discussing this very thing last night, but it was within a larger discussion of the differences between men and women. Yeah, yeah, this can go on forever, but it started with me mentioning a girl we both know and how I thought she was absolutely gorgeous. He said that he didn't think she was all that pretty. I, being an avid reader of Smitten blogs, I said that our mutual friend must just be "girl pretty." He, reasonably, had never heard the term, so I explained it with regard to our friend: "She's a girl that girls want to look like, not necessarily a girl that guys find attractive." I supplied a couple more examples of friends we have that I would absolutely kill to look like, but he reiterated that they weren't really what he would consider super attractive. I asked him if there were any dudes that he would want to look like, and he told me that he's never really thought about it. I understand that he's a dude, and dudes don't typically think about their looks in that way, but the interesting thing is that he didn't know how much I, as a girl, thought about it. Let me just let all of the boys in the world in on a secret: Women think about that all the time. Who they'd rather look like. I have an extensive mental list of women- actresses, musicians, friends- that I would love to look like, or at least approach looking like. Most of them are just skinnier than me, but others have good hair or pretty teeth or blue eyes or whatever other trait that I envy to a certain degree. Women are just like that (truly Così fan tutte! Ha ha... opera humor.... ::ahem::).

Anyway, I feel like this could be a contributing factor as to why women are "crazy" or whatever other stereotype you can think of. I mean, it's probably helping with why I'M any bit of crazy. When I say that I compare myself to other women, I mean, every single day, all day, many, many times. When I'm watching TV, or at my crappy retail job at the mall, or at the frickin' grocery store... doesn't matter. I will say this, though- the time it happens the worst, the most consistently? When I eat. Day to day, I can tell you without much thought exactly what I have eaten, what I consider "cheat" food, what I'm planning on eating later and if I have any snacky food at home to facilitate more "cheat" eating later. When I told this to Caleb, he was surprised and just couldn't fathom comparing himself to other dudes like that, or monitoring his food intake with borderline obsession. I'm an emotional eater, too, though, and that doesn't help. THAT'S a whole 'nother blog, though....

This sort of reminds me of a while back, when we were at rehearsal. Our director was telling us that no one knows how beautiful they truly are. "Women, especially. They are always comparing themselves to other women and judging themselves to ridiculous standards. Something else, they're always jealous of each other's hair." At this point, I indicated a friend of mine whose hair is always SO cute and at the same moment she goes, "Yeah, like Courtney." The fact that we proved his point was kind of forgotten as we both just died laughing.

So what does all of this mean? I don't know. Aside from the fact that I need to quit eating so much damn Easter candy, it is just something to think about.

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Sunday, March 7, 2010

Today is here!

Well, it's time, ladies and gentlemen. Time for the big, bad, final graduate recital. T-minus 3 hours until I need to be at the school setting up the crap for the live stream of the recital I'm hoping against hope works like it's supposed to. I am going to be very, very sad if it doesn't... but what can you do?


Ok, gotta go curl my hair... or eat a Cadbury Creme egg or something...

Thursday, February 18, 2010

My last paper EVER!

So, as is my tendency, my LAST PAPER I EVER HAVE TO WRITE EVER is due tomorrow.... and I'm up right now finishing it. I will also likely not sleep this evening, but again... LAST PAPER EVER. I am feeling at least sort of okay about it as I can hand in a piece of crap tomorrow as long as I hand in something. I'll have to revise the heck out of it anyway because that's just what you do with these things.

In a slight bit of interestingness, I'm going to try to finagle a way to live stream my recital to here and also my fancy professional website so you loverly people can sit in your jammies on March 7th at 6pm CST and listen to some big ol' opera.

Okay, well I just needed a little mental break from editing and editing again and writing... so back to the grind.


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Friday, February 5, 2010

Don't Ever Change



Don't Ever Change - The Beatles




About six months ago, something significant happened in my life. Something that changed me in a very real way. Looking back, it seems almost stupid that this would have had such a profound effect on me, but out of this, I feel like I have grown leaps and bounds closer to understanding what it takes to be an adult and take care of myself. What happened?





I quit biting my nails.



I know, I know. This sounds just totally ridiculous, but let me explain a bit. I have been a nail-biter since I was a child. That's 25 years of literally everyone in my life harassing me about it. The ex-f used to say that he "wouldn't put a ring on hands that looked like that" (which is sort of funny, since he did). But now, every day, I look at my hands and barely recognize them. I watch them do things like pick up a pen or wash dishes and they don't look like my hands. They're pretty; they sometimes have nail polish, which I never used to do. I broke a nail at work and had no idea what to do, as I had never remotely been in that situation before.


Anyway, this may seem like a tiny change, but let me tell you- I never thought I would be a girl with pretty hands. To have positively changed myself in this way was a revelation, of sorts. It made me realize and see that it is possible to make changes to yourself, to your body, and they will last. You can break habits and change your lifestyle. I'm kind of drunk off the possibilities, actually. So as part of my New Leaf Program (the one in which I turn over a new leaf for the new year), I started waking up early (like this) and trying to not be fat (like this, this, and this) and so far, it's been... changey.


I'll let you know if anything crazy happens, like I start cleaning up my room for fun or something.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

This is a website!

(heh heh)

So I want opinions, people.

It's me!



What do you think??


And now that all you crazies know my real name, don't stalk me.



...or do. Whatever.



Anyhow- suggestions, comments, complaints, ninjas, ponies, cash prizes and wildly flamboyant silk robes are all welcome. Thanks!!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

What makes a good friend

A friend of mine (who shall remain nameless, but I think you know who you are) once asked me how he could be a better friend. He was/is notorious for being a little flakey, so that was really the only thing I could think of to tell him: quit being so flakey. But I was thinking about it this morning, and I have revised my answer.

There is the sort of common sense, Golden Rule, "Do unto others" philosophy, but I would take it a step further. I'll use the friend I was talking about for my example. With this particular friend, I think I can safely say that he considers me a really good friend. Why? Because that's how I treat him. I don't think that at any point he could say he doubts whether I am his friend or not because the actions and words and what-have-you that are directed at him make him feel like he is important to me and that I care about his well-being. Now, how does he make himself a better friend? Treat ME the same way! That's all there is to it! The more instances that I question how much he values the friendship, the less I feel like I am important to him. Why would a person who feels like they're important to me treat me with an imbalance of priority? Well, there is a degree of selfishness to this, but there is also just laziness. Friendship, like any other relationship, requires effort. The more effort one puts into it, the more you'll get out of it. You'd think diminishing returns would have bitten me in the ass a long time ago, but eh. I try not to let someone else determine my level of contribution to any relationship. That's called being passive aggressive and it's unnecessary, not to mention reeeally annoying.



So..... in short, to be a better friend... be a better friend.


(This kind of turned into a giant bitchfest, and I didn't intend for it to do that. Oh well. I'm going to post it anyway. So there!)


Bah! And in searching for a picture to go with this, I am reminded of THIS bit of genius which, somewhat ironically, fits better than I'd usually admit.


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BIRDIES!