Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Here comes emptiness crashing in

I am feeling highly whiny this morning, and there really is no venue (save this little bit o'internet) that I can whine to, so aren't you lucky? You get to read about how bummed out I feel this morning. Hey, look on the bright side, I'll probably give you a pretty/sad picture and a nice, depressing song.

You ever just have days where you feel... gross? Like, sad gross. I just cannot feel good this morning. I have weird voice issues and I can't do anything right at home to make my roommate not hate me and this new boyfriend thing is weighing on me, too and it's just... it's making me feel gross. Now I'm at the church and I really need to be working on the bulletin for Sunday, because it's going to be our first one in a new format, but I don't want to do anything but just go somewhere else with people I like that like me and just bask in the friendliness.

Sidebar- it's ironic that after I have (another) disheartening conversation with this new boyfriend, this time about his atheism versus my loving the Jesus, I want nothing but more church and I have all this ushy-gushy Jesus love and I want to sing hymns and learn about being a better Christian and yada yada, and who can't I tell about all this because it's sort of antagonizing? Oh right- the person I really should be able to talk about it with.

Alsoalso- I have talked about the stupid crap people do to each other before, but can I please just talk about for a second how it baffles me further how people can't be nice to each other? Why? Why would you be mean to another person? I am mean, I really am. And frankly, I enjoy being mean. But, if the target person is my friend, or even just someone I have to deal with on a semi-regular basis, why not be civil? No one gets any more out of the interaction when one is mean. And I am kind of a pushover, because when people I have to deal with are mean to me, I just lay down and take it, mostly. Because I don't like being mean (Again, in this particular sense), and it really messes with me when people are mean to me.

Anyhow, whine whine whine. And a song and a photo, as promised:

Another Lonely Day - Ben Harper



Mary Ellen said...

Well, let me beam a little bit of unconditional friendliness your way. Keep breathing!