Monday, January 10, 2011


I was recently reminded of this:



I want to find that so badly.

I just wonder... how do you know? Because nothing is perfect and shiny and wonderful all the time, and for God only knows what reason (for there are many from which to choose), I feel like I can't trust myself to just know anymore. "Swing at the pitches you can hit." Sure, but it worries me that I am not swinging like I used to. I get all nervous and over think the whole process and by the time that I either should really have swung or just put the damn bat down, I think, "Geez... I really should have hit that one out of the park."

For whatever reason, and I honestly don't know what the reason is, there is a hesitation in the swinging that has never been there before. I feel like maybe a ball beaned me in the head and now I'm just scared of the ball in general. I am becoming petrified that a ball I SHOULD have hit over the fence is gonna end up past me simply because I froze on a perfectly good pitch.

Okay, I'm officially weirding myself out now. Why am I nervous about this weekend? I am excited. I am. But I am also moderately terrified and it's making my week actually feel weighty. If I can get out of my own way enough for this to just happen, it will all be more than fine, I'm sure. And, hell, it may be all totally fine as soon as he gets off the plane, but until that moment, I get to be worried and terrified and nervous.

AND then there's the various job related stresses, too. Yippee! Oy. I haven't really talked about it, but I really feel like I am supposed to be in San Marcos for some purpose. The journey to get here was such that I couldn't have done it without a goodly measure of help, but I am just kind of feeling the pressure a bit this week. It's a big week. I will be SO immeasurably glad to see my Meredith friend on Tuesday, and then my boy person on Friday.

Yes. A big week, indeed.