Missing

You ever just feel like you've missed someone? In a timing way, I mean. Like... I don't know, there was maybe a person and it felt like there was something... and then...



If I Ever Feel Better - Phoenix


I realize that a 3 day business conference is not the most reliable or likely place to meet someone that you could potentially connect with on lots of levels and make you laugh and has that... that thing... but never say never, right?

Well, it is par for the course that this person- this highly intelligent, incredibly interesting person- would obviously be related to my business in such a way that it's just downright inadvisable to see where it would go. Let me just say that it has been a long damn time since I have encountered a person that I thought, "Hm... I just want to be around you and see what you're all about," and they have thoughts even approaching reciprocated.



Rabbit Heart (Raise it Up) - Florence + the Machine

And they were reciprocated! But also mutually... declined? Turned away? It wasn't even a rejection. It was a decision to be responsible* and walk away. And the thing that kills me is that no matter how correct we were to do that... Gah! I just feel like there was something there. Or at least, there sure was potential to be...


*I couldn't find an appropriate text quality (bold, italic, all caps, some combination of those) to express my incredibly sad and disappointed FURY at this word in this particular context.

kisses are a better fate
than wisdom.
-e.e. cummings

Hiatus.

So, I read about this book and also read this article and it makes me wonder:


Should I quit the internet for a while?


I mean, I can't totally quit because I work from home and a LOT of it is done via email, but I could at least quit Facebook and Twitter (let's get real- even if you have Myspace, we all quit that a long time ago...) and try to forge some ACTUAL relationships! Go out and DO things!




Kelli O'Hara - "The Beauty Is" from Light in the Piazza by Adam Guettel


As far as the logistics of such a move, it would basically just be the social parts of the internet that I would "quit." I figure that I can still watch my TV online as even pre-Facebook culture had television. I can still Google stuff and listen to music online and everything that the internet can offer me as far as information, but just not the false interaction that one gets from looking at a friend's wedding pictures and sort of feeling like you were there.




Cosmic Love - Florence + the Machine


I guess my biggest hesitation (fear...?) is that I won't feel any less alone by pulling away from it. I feel pretty alone now, but again, this is an alone that is propagated by just sitting on my ass all day since I can "see" my friends any time I log in to Facebook. Also, this drops in early December, and as I have previously mentioned, I do like playing the game and I love my friends that also play it, so that makes it rough to just STOP interneting. Though, I guess WoW is a game and isn't strictly social, but still. If I quit the others, the WoW would likely suffer. Anyway, I just kind of feel like making a change in the ol' life to try to jumpstart its not sucking. I don't know where blogging or not blogging would fit into this scenario. I wouldn't blog, obviously, but I don't know how much I would read of others' blogs because that seems like exactly the sort of thing I'm trying to cut out. So that's up in the air.




Heavy in Your Arms - Florence + the Machine


I will say this: Florence + the Machine is helping quite a bit with the not sucking part.


Anyway, what do you guys think about quitting the internet?

In the musicals

Loving this song:



In the Musicals - Björk


So this post isn't a huge deal or anything, but I wanted to write it down someplace just... I don't know, for posterity, or something. It will more than likely be one of those blogs (ooo! Blog from elsewhere...) that will make me feel silly when I read it later, but oh well. Like I said, I just wanted to write it.



I was NOT, however, going to just put it where anyone can see it! If you want to read it, I'll gladly give you the password. Just email me at tracyneproski (at) gmail (dot) com and I'll be more than happy to send the password your way. :)





Click on the dots to read the post (after you get the password from me, of course): ***

Now that I know how this works,
I may be using it more often. Hmm....